Shepherd me O God…

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Jeff and I have been to four funerals in the past two months. I think in the previous ten years we had been to four funerals. I keep getting “reassured” that this is the season of life we are now entering, sigh. This past Sunday’s readings and today’s include Psalm 23. Halfway through Lent it is meant to be a beacon of light to the weary Lenten traveler. It became a beacon of light to this weary traveler but not because I am weary from Lent but because I am preparing to say to goodbye. Two weeks ago, driving home from Kingston, I was filled with a conviction from the Holy Spirit that my time with our 13 year old cockapoo was short. Several days later I noticed the bulge in her abdomen. Last week Monday, I took her to see the vet. I brought her home with the knowledge that while we can continue to juggle treatments to extend her time with us that the more merciful thing to do would be to let her go.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want

I left the vet with a tentative date of Monday, March 20 and some medication that may perhaps “perk her up.” Perk her up it did and allowed a lot of second guessing and doubt to enter my mind and heart. In a phone call to Emma I cried that I was really struggling to put Anna down. I told her that if I knew that somehow I would see Anna again it would be easier. No surprise for those who know me, research ensued. Human “life after death” experiences have indeed included beloved passed on pets. I was comforted with this “knowledge” but our Lord did one better. Later in the day, waking from a nap, I was in that in between state (awake but not fully awake) and suddenly I became aware of Kit, our deceased cockapoo, sitting right in front of me. She was just looking up at me and she looked really happy. As I realized what I was seeing, I snapped out of that “in between” and became fully awake fast. In my heart I knew that God was providing me with what I needed in that moment, I shall not want.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…He guides me in right paths…

Dr. Jaked was set to call on Wednesday to follow up and see how she was. My prayer to my Heavenly Father was for Dr. Jake to provide me the wisdom to make the right choice. Dr. Jake having reviewed all her tests and x-rays gave me both objective knowledge and personal wisdom to let me know that this was the best choice. He told me this news with exactly the right words that spoke to all my second doubting and guilt. James, our son, who is currently studying abroad in Ireland and unable to come home, gave me the next piece of wisdom, “please don’t take her in to the vets office, see if you can have it done at home.” Dr. Jake would be able to accommodate that wish since we had time to plan, the date was moved to Tuesday to allow for this.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want… Only goodness and kindness follow me…

The gospel this past Sunday was Jesus giving sight to the blind man using the ordinary (spit and dirt). Jesus used the ordinary this past week to give me sight of His presence and to provide me with the extraordinary, peace in the midst of sorrow. One of Anna’s health issues is a severely arthritic spine. In the past year this has resulted in Anna withdrawing: she no longer sleeps under the covers, she no longer likes to be held, and if you try to pet her, she gets up and walks away. This past week Anna has asked to be held, she has returned under the covers, and she has taken her place next to me on the couch again, she has allowed me to stop and pet her, and has come asking for pets. For the doubters out there, her new medication was antibiotics not additional pain medication. God was allowing us to give Anna a proper goodbye and Anna to fully receive it.

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for years to come

In the midst of sorrow and indecision, in the midst of the fog that arose in my daily habits as a result of all this, one thing held true for me. My Lenten promise from last year which became a regular practice, daily Mass. I have returned to the house of the Lord time and again this week. Within minutes of handing my time over to Him, He has handed me peace. The Lord has indeed shepherded me this past week. I have felt Him beside me, with His rod and staff guiding, and I have felt Him lift me up and carry me. Death is an unavoidable reality. Jesus as Savior allows us to see beyond the realm of loss and into the ordinary moments where we can recognize the extraordinary care, love, and compassion of a Good Shepherd.

Who let the dogs out?

Jesus said to the Pharisees, “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. ( Luke 16:19-21)

Every lent this reading comes to the forefront, a dire warning against the apathy of wealth that can lead us away from recognizing the face of need. This reading is a cornerstone for the practice of fasting. I know what you might be saying, “Fasting? Don’t you mean tithing?” No, today the Lord shows me that in fasting, in going without and experiencing a temporary poverty, we can better see the poverty of others. Jesus showed me this by highlighting the words, “Even the dogs came and licked his sores.” This single line spoke volumes to me this morning. The apathy of the rich man takes on a new depth. Jesus doesn’t add extra detail to His parables to gross us out, but to fill us in. Those dogs were present because Jesus would have seen how dogs tend to congregate around the houses of wealthy. Dogs knew where there was plenty and where the table scraps were plentiful. Those dogs received from the rich man more Lazarus at his feet. If we rush past the gross, we miss another poignant truth that Jesus weaves into His narrative. The vast majority of times that we hear about sores in the bible our minds go to leprosy, at least mine does. Lazarus’ sores are not the sores of leprosy though; he would never have been allowed near the rich man’s house. The sores Lazarus suffered were most likely a side effect of his starvation. As he slowly starved and wasted away, he became too weak to move, and with his fat padding long gone, Lazarus would have developed pressure ulcers. Sadly in my years as a Physical Therapist I have seen more of this than I would have liked, not on the doorstep of the rich but in the nursing home beds of the unwanted. Jesus weaves the dogs in not only to show us the rich man’s great apathy, but also to show that those dogs demonstrated more mercy than man. Those dogs were not apathetic. They too have gone without and been desperate and Jesus has the dogs give Lazarus what they can, comfort to his wounded body by licking his wounds clean. I imagine this Gospel spoke often to the heart of St. Mother Theresa. Jesus wasn’t done with me yet. There is one other Gospel story that references dogs that I know of and if I have learned one thing, the Bible does not contain coincidences of word choice. The Word made Flesh, chooses words wisely.

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.  A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment. (Mt 15:21-28)

I never fully understood how this mother’s words could stir Jesus to say she has great faith. I recognized her perseverance and her wit, but always wondered what it was about “even the dogs eat the crumbs” that moved Jesus. Today I was given a possible answer to my question. Luke tells us that Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees in His parable about Lazarus, and to be sure there is much that we know the Pharisees could stand to learn from this parable. What if Jesus was speaking not only to the Pharisees but to the heart of a mother? Think about it. This mother threw Jesus’ words back at him. What if her faith was not in her perseverance or wit, but in her witness? What if she heard Jesus’ parable either directly or through word of mouth and it pierced her heart and gave her the faith and courage to step outside social norms? How beautiful! Jesus, Word made flesh, in that moment sought to effect a change of heart in the Pharisees, yet it may very well have been the heart of an outsider that His word came to rest, root, and yield its harvest.

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:11)

We are two weeks into Lent, a time where many a heart and willpower begins to weary. It is easy to tell ourselves that God does not want us to suffer, that fasting is really not “needed.” Hold strong my faithful companion! The challenges that we face in the poverty of our “no” to self build us up to say “yes” to other.

Rest now in Me

Queen Esther, “God of Abraham, God of Isaac, and God of Jacob, blessed are you. Help me, who am alone and have no help but you…Now help me, who am alone and have no one but you, O Lord, my God…Save us from the hand of our enemies; turn our mourning into gladness and our sorrows into wholeness.” (Esther C 14-25)

Jesus said to His disciples, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Jeff and I just finished up our three day diocesan retreat. We were challenged in the retreat to spend time creating a timeline of our growth with the Lord: key points of faith conversion in our lives. We were then tasked with finding someone with whom we could share a five minute witness of what the Lord has done in our lives. When you begin to map out your relationship with the Lord, and significant moments of that relationship, a sort of family album of [snapshots with the Lord] emerge. The Lord quickly placed upon my heart the one He wanted me to share. I am going to share it with all of you as well.

Jeff and I were asked to take over a ministry within our diocese. This was a “big ask” moment. As I have shared, I have identity issues as “beloved servant” and wrap myself in a mantle of “doing” for the Lord to feel worthy of His love. This opportunity was met with pride. I had pride in the ask, like, “I must be doing something right.” I also carry a “Pride of Yes”. I carry an identity that my strength is my willingness to say “yes”. Needless to say, we were discerning toward yes, until we weren’t. After many many long conversations, we saw that at this point in time in our lives this opportunity had to be a “No.” While I knew that it was the right decision I couldn’t help feeling that I had let the Lord down. I am also experiencing different losses in my life: future loss of pastor (Fr. Mark is leaving in June), loss of friendship, and another ministry loss. Jesus intervened into this intersection of spiritual need in a beautiful way. I was helping to facilitate a Blessed is She retreat at our parish and the last hour was spent in Adoration (Adoration is spending time in church with the Blessed Sacrament on display on the altar, in other words, spending time with Jesus in the flesh). We had moved a kneeler up within five feet of the sacrament for closer face to face prayer time and I had taken the opportunity early in the hour. I returned to my seat, closed my eyes, and asked Jesus, “What do you want me to do for Lent?” Remember what I said about servant mentality? In an instant of time, Jesus stunned me with the image He brought to mind. In that moment, He showed me my current season of losses and my wound of abandonment and I felt in that instant His profound love and His deep desire to simply sit with me in this moment and heal me. My ears picked up on the sound before my brain registered it and I was startled to discover I was sobbing. Some may be thinking sobbing is a negative, but not this day. On this day I wasn’t sobbing the inconsolable tears of hopelessness, mine was a cry of my heart held in the embrace of its Eternal Father and able to release it’s burden. This snapshot is more than a moment of consolation, it is a conversion of my heart beginning to understand the unwavering, unchanging love of God. I am not the sum of my “yes”, I am simply His. The Lord seeks your heart as well. Seek Him. Ask Him. Knock upon His heart. He will answer and give you more than you knew to ask.

I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
    before the gods I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
    and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness;
    for you have exalted your name and your word
    above everything. On the day I called, you answered me,
    you increased my strength of soul. (Psalm 138)

As an addendum of sorts. The Lord drew me across the lunch room to a woman I had never had a conversation with before. After I shared my story, she shared how appropriate it was that I picked her. Her Lenten resolution is to spend one hour a week in Adoration. God is good, Amen!

It’s Yours,all Yours!

This is how you are to pray:

Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. (Matthew 6:7-15)

Several weeks ago in Mass as we were reciting the Lord’s prayer I had an epiphany. I had spent most of my life saying the Lord’s prayer wrong, at least one part of it. How many of us have uttered these words, “Thy will be done” with resignation. Our prayer for His will has been an act of reluctance of releasing our will to His will. Like we are doing something noble, that we are allowing God to not give us our way (which is really what most of us want). “Not my will Lord, but Your will.” I have heard this often and I have often prayed like this. So I am standing in church praying the Our Father, not reciting, but truly entering into it and God shows me the absurdity of our resignation to His will. God’s will for us is Holiness. God’s will for us is to have our joy be complete. God’s will for us is for us to become the person we were created to be. We should be shouting in a tone of praise and thanksgiving, “Thy will be done Lord, please thy will be done!” God’s will is goodness, truth, justice, love. God’s will is to take this mess of a world and introduce it to the Divine Physician. God’s will is healing and restoration. I have sat on this thought knowing that I should write and share but waiting for the right time. Well, today’s Gospel is the Our Father. Jeff and I were on retreat today and in the course of the day we prayed this prayer of our Lord’s not once, twice, or even three times. We prayed this prayer 5 times today. And so before I lay me down to sleep… I get the message Lord, I will send it on to others as well.

Thy will be done Lord! Please, thy will be done!

Be Perfect

Be Holy, For I the Lord your God am Holy (Lev 19:2)

So be perfect just as your Heavenly Father is perfect (Mt 5:48)

The wisdom of this world is foolishness in the eyes of God (1 Cor 3:19)

It is said that man plans and God laughs, “The Lord brings to nought the plans of nations, he foils the designs of people.” (Ps 33:10) I propose a new kernal of wisdom, “Man interprets God, and God weeps.”

For my thoughts are not your thoughts. (Is 55:8)

Be perfect. What is perfection to man? What images immediately come to mind? Another contemplation would be, “When do you see yourself as less than perfect?” My image of perfection earlier in my married life was to be a reflection of my idol of the time: Martha Stewart. I wanted to have the perfectly organized, clean, well decorated house. I wanted to grow my own food. I wanted perfectly planned and manicured gardens. I wanted people to ooh and aah over the feasts I presented. I pursued the hand- made holidays. I pursued this construct of perfection, chasing after the false god of admiration of others. Isn’t that what most of us interpret on a day to day basis when we place the ideal of perfection upon ourselves? What will make others admire us, approve of us, perhaps envy us? God weeps. God’s command and our actions often have a disconnect. If life were a cartoon we would see the wily character who manipulates the train train track switches derailing us. That wily character is the devil and he is indeed derailing us.

Get behind me satan. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do. (Mt. 16:23)

The devil is the master of deflection and he has us working very hard, and investing a lot of energy into an illusion so that we keep our real focus off of the actual intent. Have you ever heard someone use the phrase, “living the dream”? Did you ever think how approprot that statement is? It is usually in reference to the rat race we have created and it is a “dream”. The “dream” is not God’s truth, intent, or reality. We are not called to live the dream as Christians, we are called to live “the way.”

I am the way, the truth, and the life. (Jn 14:6)

What is perfection? You shall not turn to idols. You shall not hate your brother. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge. Love your neighbor as yourself. Offer no resistance to one who is evil. Turn the other cheek. If anyone presses you for one mile, go two. Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. (Lev 19/ Mt 5) Perfection is a quality of our heart. It is not just about the absence of wrong action, it is the presence of loving action. This is the perfection of God, loving action. How often humanity slaps His cheek, presses Him into service, asks forgiveness. Day in and day out, out of love, He grants us so much and more.

For He makes the sun to rise and set on the bad and the good, and causes the rain to fall on the just and unjust. (Mt 5:45)

This is holiness, this perfection; to live an existence of love independent of return. I recently learned a beautiful bible fun fact. The word Jesus uses for “perfection” is only used twice in the Gospels. Here and on the cross. When Jesus utters, “It is finished”, He utters the same word as perfection. To be perfected is to be finished. We are a work in progress. Today we begin Lent, a season of allowing ourselves to be turned, challenged, changed. Let us spend time in prayer to root out the false perfection we work towards and strive instead toward the love God calls us to.

[In Due Time]

I enter morning prayer and the following words are brought to my consciousness:

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend. (Albert Camus)

These are words that have resonated with me over the years and words that I have jokingly spoken to my husband if he is outpacing me on one of our walks. The key to prayer and good conversation is asking the extra question. “What Lord are you trying to show me?” Jesus shows me a beautiful example of how man can think they “get it” but in fact get it all wrong. Jesus shows me the words:

[When you run ahead, I WILL follow. When you follow I WILL lead you to your next best self. So that we can walk together side by side through eternity.]

This is our path to relation with Jesus. We race ahead straining for independence and autonomy. God willing, in the midst of our own GPS miscalculations we weary and allow Jesus to take the lead. From here, He will carry us through the brokeness to a place of greater strength, faith, trust, peace and wisdom. This brings us together with our Lord step in step, establishing a friendship marked by the back and forth of sharing, discovery, and trust. Of course the Spirit took this enlightenment and applied it today’s readings. Without the wisdom of the first, I would not have been easily led to the second.

“You are free to eat from any of the trees of the garden, except the tree of Good and evil. From that tree you shall not eat. The moment you eat from it, you are surely doomed to die.” (Genesis 2:15-17)

“Nothing that comes from the outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile.” When He got home away form the crowd, His disciples questioned Him about the parable. He said to them, “Are even you likewise without understanding? Do you not realize that everything that goes into a person from outside cannot defile…” Mark 7:14-18

God did not deny man the fruit of the tree of good and evil because He sought to keep us ignorant. God knows us. He knows that we are runners. We run ahead with small pieces of His picture and we get it wrong. We twist it. We take what is black and white and we make gray. Even with the amazing capacity of our beautiful minds, we do not have God’s vast truth, knowledge, and wisdom. God desired to walk daily with us in the garden while He shared Himself and brought us step by step closer to Him. He sought to share this fruit with us over time as we were ready. The Gospel shows us man’s continued propensity to get it wrong. This reveals to us the ministry of Jesus Christ. Jesus came that He may once again walk with us and lead us to the Wisdom behind the knowledge. It is not enough for us to know “what.” We must be brought to God’s “why" otherwise we get it wrong. Jesus came to lead us to the great Who, What, Where, When, How, and most importantly Why of life so that we can stop running ahead or tagging behind. Jesus seeks to walk with us once more side by side in the paradise of friendship and betrothal.

Putting it Together

Hebrews 10:32,39

Remember the days past when, after you had been enlightened, you endured a great contest of suffering…You need endurance to do the will of God

Romans 5:3-5

 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us

Drawing close to our Lord does not come without its drawbacks. Over the years I have come to know one of those drawbacks far too well, Spiritual Warfare. The closer we draw to Jesus, the harder the devil will pursue and it’s not pleasant. Today’s first reading (Hebrews) whispers to this spiritual reality. “After you have been enlightened”; after God is opened up for us: our eyes are opened, our ears hear, and most importantly, our heart responds. “You endured a great contest of suffering”, aka spiritual warfare. What might this look like? Doubt, discouragement, unexplained sadness, discord with friends and family, a feeling of isolation. As many ways as our Lord has to draw us close, the devil has ploys to draw us away. “Why?” This has been my question so often over the years. “Why would the Lord permit this?” “Why can’t I just remain on the mountaintop of enlightenment?” St. Paul answers this question for me today. I still live firmly on planet earth. To complete this race of Christianity requires endurance and the race of endurance requires [timely trials]. (Any of you who have runners in your life will appreciate the Holy Spirit’s play of words there.) We need endurance to do the will of God. Endurance is hard earned no matter the type, physical or spiritual. I have learned over the years two great truths that have served me well in Spiritual Warfare. First, the devil may try to blind side me, but I am a beloved daughter of God. That means that the devil has no authority and when I sense his attack, I can tell him to go back to… well you know where. And I do. Regularly. It is one of my exceptions for using profanity. He seems to respond well, no surprise. Second, I have learned to recognize that spiritual warfare is a sign that I am moving in the right direction, toward God and His will. The devil wouldn’t need to fight me if I wasn’t. As I read the first reading and its truths settled, the Holy Spirit brought me Paul’s letter to the Romans. Now I understood how Paul could rejoice in suffering. Spiritual suffering isn’t fun, but it is a sign that we are on track, this gives us our hope. Today’s gospel may seem unconnected to St. Paul’s letter, but the Spirit shows me differently.

Mark 4:26-34

“The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground. He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how…“With what can we compare the kingdom of God, or what parable shall we use for it? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when sown on the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on earth, yet when it is sown it grows up and becomes larger than all the garden plants and puts out large branches, so that the birds of the air can make nests in its shade.”

You may have noticed my absence from this blog (or not). January has been a mountain of ministry for me. I have been leading both a book study on Matthew Kelly’s, Holy Moments, and Oremus, a video series on prayer. Now I would like to preface this that I chose both of these ministries. I looked forward to both these ministries. I love the concept of Holy Moments and we all know I love prayer. I, however, am an inpatient sower of seed. The devil knows this and uses it regularly against me to sow his own doubt, discouragement, and fatigue. When you lead ministry, you love to see light bulb moments of enlightenment where you know Jesus and that person just made contact. There are stretches of time that can go by where you might not see any flickers of light, such was the case last week. I hit a wall of feeling useless. Thankfully God is good and I have worked to increase my endurance. First the Lord spoke to me through another’s Wisdom, “You are not responsible for another person’s spiritual growth. That is God’s job.” Before I went into my next round of “classes,” I was inspired by a brilliant idea. I just wanted the Holy Spirit to lead. I wanted to get out of my own way (read, not put my foot in it). I prayed to God, “God, for the period of time that I am leading these classes, I freely give you my free will and ask that the Holy Spirit just take over.” This week in my Holy Moments class He was present and lights were lighting, God is good. The Lord in the midst of this sent me a second consolation that brings it all back to today’s Gospel. A man in the group suddenly said to me, “You have no idea the seeds that you are planting through these classes you teach.” I am not kidding. Those words. Jesus is encouraging me to endurance, through His words and others. Keep sowing seeds. I may never see the fruition, but I carry the hope of God’s love that is being poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit, and it is well.

Give us this day…

Lord, teach us to pray… (Lk 11:1)

“Your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread…” (Lk 11:2-3)

New Year, new me. This year will be different, this year will be better, this year I am going to… This year is hype, it is in a way a lie of the enemy that each of us will wrap ourselves in for at least a brief period of time after which we will wrap ourselves potentially in another lie, “I am a failure.”

For this reason, you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour you do not expect. (Mt 24:44)

It is not a bad thing to seek to improve ourselves (now, the emphasis of what we are trying to improve and why is another story). The error lies in living our lives on the premise of a year, the assumption of time. With the gift of the Holy Spirit residing within us we are called to the truth of St. Paul, “Do you not know that you are a new creation?” (2 Corinth 5:17) God is not calling us to tomorrow. He is not calling us to next month, next season, and certainly not next year. God calls us to today. Right here, right now is our New Year wrapped in the space of twenty-four hours. Certainly there are aspects of each of our lives that do not poof overnight and indeed do take time, if we are given the grace of such. Today, though, is the key to the cumulation of all of the days we have left. Today is the day that I can do God’s will. Only today. Today is the day that I can allow the Lord to provide for me. Today is the day that I can forgive the one who has hurt me. Today is the day that I can ask for forgiveness. Today, when I cooperate with the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I can participate in the Lord’s prayer, “Thy will be done on earth.”

Today is the day the Lord has made, let us be glad and rejoice in it. (Psalm 118)

This “new year” let us each make the resolution of a “New Day.” Let us commit to receiving the grace of our Lord in the moment. Looking to tomorrow and beyond drowns out the voice of the Holy Spirit in the here and now. When we allow God to, He will enter every nook and cranny of our lives. He will shape us day by day to our greatest potential. He will, not “I will.” There is no need for resolutions beyond living this day with Him, it is that easy. May today bring each of you His grace and peace, joy and fortitude that you may lie down tonight in the whisper of “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” (Mt. 25:21)

Emmanuel, God with us

The Birth of Jesus

2 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. (Luke 2:1-20)

May God’s real presence in this present Christmas be with each of you. Last year as I led our parish through Consoling the Heart of Jesus, I was brought to a beautiful truth that I share with you today, on the Eve of our Savior’s birth. God is independent of time and space. When Jesus entered time and space, fully God and fully human something wonderful occured; Emmanuel, God with us. Each moment of our Saviors life present in history can also be present to each of us in the present. When our hearts are lifted by the manger scene, when an aspect of His birth resonates deeply, when the songs of the angels transport your spirit, Jesus’ nativity is in fact being made present to you in that moment. Set some extra time aside this Christmas from the hustle and bustle and enter into history, His story. Jesus was, Jesus is, and Jesus will forever be. Let us take the infant into our homes and our hearts.

Magnificat!

“My soul magnifies the Lord,

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for God has looked with favor on the lowliness of the Almighty’s servant.

Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed;

for the Mighty One has done great things for me,

and holy is God’s name. (Luke 1:46-49)

Mary’s song of praise and thanksgiving burst forth as she rejoices with Elizabeth. Mary, the first disciple, Mary a model for our own walk with the Lord. Where in your life has your own magnificat burst forth? Just as Christmas celebrates the birth of our Savior, our magnificat celebrates the coming forth, the birth, of Christ through us. I have been blessed with many graces from our great God. I have sung many songs of praise and thanksgiving for the abundance of His love. This week though, I feel close to Mary in the tone of my magnificat. For the Encounter School of Ministry that Jeff and I attend we are tasked with a Year 2 project. We must plan a “mission” with a team of fellow students where we can share what we have learned with the community. We are tasked with stepping out in faith. My team of five students coordinated a “Prayer Room” during our weekly adoration hour at St. Bernard’s. We provided two prayer teams set up in the adjacent chapel and invited the St. Bernard Community to receive prayer of healing, prayer of encounter, prayer of prophecy, facilitation of forgiveness, prayer for spiritual gifts. We created flyers, bulletin announcements, and church announcements. This week Tuesday heralded our big first night. At first as we sat quietly waiting in the chapel, the reality that no-one may come forth resonated. Grace was bestowed in this moment. Instead of worrying about “failing” or being rejected, something else occured. I felt His Thirst.

“I thirst.” (John 19:28)

I felt in that moment Jesus’ deep love for each of us, His deep desire to bring His love and His healing into each of our uniquely broken worlds. I felt His deep sadness that too few accept. I was willing in that moment to sit with our Lord for that hour and simply share in His thirst if that was all that I could do. He had other plans. One by one they came, patiently forming a line and waiting. We were able to minister to twelve people that night. What an incredible gift. I was able to see time and again the moment that Jesus became present and more real in each of their faces. All walked away with one kind of healing or another. All walked away with the greatest gift of all, the gift that was shared by Magi and shepherd alike, Encounter. Mary’s magnificat is a song of praise and thanksgiving not because God answered her prayer (she did not ask to be the mother of our Lord) but because she was joyful to be made part of His salvation plan. This has been the song of my soul as well. This week I felt so blessed to be an instrument of His grace, glory, power, and love. My soul doth glory in your love O Lord! As we enter this blessed Christmas, may we seek the soul song that the Holy Spirit planted deep within at our baptism. May we each shift our focus from seeking our own encounter to being His Disciple of Encounter for another. This is the true Spirit o Christmas, Emmanuel, God with us.

May the Lord bless each of you with His renewed presence in your heart. Amen

It’s a Wonderful Life

Matthew 11:16-19

16 “To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others:

17 “‘We played the pipe for you,
    and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge,
    and you did not mourn.’

18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ But wisdom is proved right by her deeds.”

Isaiah 48:17

This is what the Lord says—
    your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
    who teaches you what is best for you,
    who directs you in the way you should go.

Advent means that on top of the hustle and bustle of shopping, planning, and decorating, we are inundated with movies, Christmas movies. I am a sucker for the Hallmark Christmas Channel. I even have a shirt that proudly states, “This is my Hallmark Christmas Movie Watching Shirt.” True. Christmas movies all have one commonality, a happy ending. This is most likely why they are so beloved by so many. We know how this story ends, the stress and anxiety of “where is this going”, is removed and we can sit back, relax, and wait for the kiss (or whatever happy ending they contain). Many people would call this an escape from reality. I would like to propose that they are a blessed escape to reality. Christmas movies hold within them His truth as well. They hold the truth that when we are believers in our Redeemer, our story has a guaranteed happy ending no matter the plot twists, turns, ups, and downs that are thrown in our way. Jesus was born so that He could take all of our unhappy endings upon the cross and redeem them. There are many who will sit in this season unhappy and unable to enter fully into its promise. they resemble those to whom Jesus was referring in the above Gospel. They are the ones who are never happy, never satisfied, often because the movie of their lives does not go the way they think it should. It is not perfectly decorated, with perfect families, and perfect meals, and perfect presents. The lie that we have come to believe is that such a thing exists this side of heaven. This Advent as we watch our favorite movies let us thank the Lord for the kernel of truth He has provided. Our stories can indeed have a happy ending. This Advent season if we ourselves reflect the unsatisfied crowd, let us turn to the Wisdom of Isaiah. Our satisfaction comes not from the construct of what we imagine to be the perfect life. Our satisfaction comes from Him, our Redeemer, who will show us the way to go. We can bring a piece of heaven to earth in our own lives if we stop and listen to the Lord. Maybe cut back on the movie binging, curl up in your Christmas pajamas next to the tree, and let our Redeemer show you the way to what truly satisfies. No matter where Christmas finds you, remember that with Emmanuel, we are never left Home Alone.

O Christmas Tree

“For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. (Job 14:7)

She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed. (Proverbs 3:18)

The glory of Lebanon shall come to you, the cypress, the plane, and the pine, to beautify the place of my sanctuary, and I will make the place of my feet glorious. (Isaiah 60:13)

A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. (Isaiah 11:1)

I spent the first 9 years of my childhood in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I attended Mother of Good Counsel School (affectionately referred to as MGC) which was just a couple blocks from my home. I loved Advent at MGC because it meant daily Mass had a new addition: the Jesse Tree. Each morning a different student was given the honor of placing an ornament upon the tree as Fr. Bruce worked the theme of that ornament into his homily. Slowly as the tree began to fill, so did my heart with the knowledge that Christmas was indeed getting closer. This year our church has a Jesse Tree placed at the entrance by the baptismal font. Sadly all of the ornaments are already upon it. The building anticipation and day by day story of God’s fulfilled promises lost. The Jesse Tree is actually the precursor to Christmas trees as we know them, its first depiction around the year 1080. Each ornament that is placed upon it highlights a different time of God fulfilling His promises to His people through Jewish history. The story of salvation is a story of family history. And the fact that God’s chosen people have required saving time and again should comfort us all. Families fall into the rhythm of brokenness in one way or another, but our families are held within the embrace of God’s bigger family. We still need a savior. Jesus was, Jesus is, and Jesus will be. Christmas is a beautiful time to look upon our Christmas trees and be grateful for the moments of grace that God has entered in our families past and provided salvation. We can be filled with hope for the moments that we lift in prayer for Jesus to enter into our present situation or our future. As for me and my house, we doth love the Christmas tree. So much so that I have three full sized trees decorated differently in my home. They go up the weekend of Thanksgiving, the better to light the way to Christmas. I write this Advent of Advent blog too late for many if you are like me and already have your tree up and decorated. Perhaps I have caught some of you in time. No matter our decorating theme, I wager that most of us have a box of ornaments that are special. You know the ones, the family ornaments. Ornaments we received as gifts, ornaments that marked milestones of our families lives, ornaments that we purchased on vacations, ornaments we have to remind us of the true meaning of that tree. This year let us enter into the spirit of the Jesse Tree. Let us not see the tree as one of a long list of to-do’s, or as simply one of the to-do’s we have successfully done. Let’s not allow our trees to simply be a decoration or a backdrop for presents. Allow Christ’s light to shine upon us through the multitude of light and see where His light draws our gaze. Let’s put our phones down, turn the television off, and spend some time gazing upon the beauty that is The Story of Us, because that is what the tree is. It is a story of our families here on earth united with the story of God’s family that started in the nativity.

The Advent of Advent

“The coming of God’s Son to earth is an event of such immensity that God willed to prepare for it over centuries. He makes everything converge on Christ: all the rituals and sacrifices, figures, and symbols of the “First Covenant.” (CCC 522)

This year, the Lord placed a strong desire for a quiet Advent. He gave me a vision of what could be. An Advent that is freed up to walk closer to His nativity in greater prayer, through the luxury of writing and sharing what stirs my soul, an Advent of Embrace. An Advent not consumed by duties, obligations, and busyness. This required an Advent of Advent. This morning, after a month of extreme busyness, I realize that I have arrived. Advent is here and the fruit of my preparation is felt all around. My teaching obligations are wrapped up for the season, my house is decorated, the gifts have been purchased. The quiet of my house surrounds me and embraces me. I am filled with joy and gratitude. What will I do with these weeks? I will pour myself into the wisdom of others in study, I will spend more time with Jesus in daily Mass and adoration, and I will have my ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’. Over a month ago, God shared an idea for helping others to embrace the season of preparation amidst the chaos of its secularized concept.

Welcome to…

[Emmanuel, God is still in this]

Romans 8:15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[a] And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

1 Peter 1:16 “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

Walking into Target in October I wasn’t expecting to be greeted by a large display of Christmas family pajamas, but there they were nonetheless. Sigh, it wasn’t even Halloween! How many of us have come to resent the consumer culture of Christmas? How many of us have perhaps become numb and blind to it? Resentment and apathy are not the emotions we are called to as Christians. The world has taken a sacred season and turned it upside down, it has taken an opportunity for spiritual growth to become an opportunity of profit margin growth. As I continued my shopping the Lord showed me my negative reaction to His season of Advent and brought me to a hidden truth. The devil may use the consumerism of Christmas to drive the sacred away from our consciousness, but he can’t drive Christ out of Christmas. Emmanuel, God with us, remains. Jesus is there still. Seeds are still be planted. Take those Christmas pajamas for our first example. Consumer culture has taken something cute (initially designed for the kiddos) and created an opportunity for the family to buy not just a set for their children, but for every member of the family (pets included)! Money, money, money! Win! Emmanuel, God is still in this. Christmas pajamas represent unity, they represent family, they conjure images of the joy of togetherness on Christmas morning when the miracle of God’s gift of generosity is displayed under a tree (more on that later ;)) Christmas is about the love of a family, God’s family, which we were all adopted into at baptism. The family of Christianity is in fact about putting on the same clothing, the clothing of holiness. As you wander the aisles of the stores this season and happen upon those Christmas pajamas, remember this wisdom. Emmanuel, God’s message, His hope, remains beneath the surface. Hold that hope in your heart this season. Let us use this Advent to go beneath the surface, embrace the heart of the season, and battle the enemy with his own ammunition. Thank you Lord for family, for your Holy Family, and for Christmas Pajamas.

• At minute 2:00, This song brings the message powerfully!

A Walk To Remember

I am the living bread which came down from heaven; if anyone eats this bread, he will live forever

John 6:51

Now Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen

Hebrews 11:1

Jeff and I have been FOCCUS marriage preparation facilitators for our parrish for seven years. We truly have been blessed by this ministry. Two years ago we met Meg and Aaron. Meg brought me into the fold of Discipleship at St. Bernard’s shortly after we completed their meetings with us. Just over a year ago, Jeff and I were in church witnessing their exchange of vows. Fr. Greg Parent gave a homily to remember on what I would dub the “Walk to Remember”. Fr Greg spoke that weddings were beautiful and sacred and special, BUT, Meg walking down the aisle, the exchange of vows, wasn’t the most amazing, beautiful, sacred part of the day. As special and beautiful as their wedding was, what happened after the vows was even more so and each of us is invited to fully participate. The sacrament of the Eucharist is the most powerful gift Jesus has given to each of us who has been baptized and initiated into it. At every Mass Jesus invites each of us to walk down the aisle as the Bride to our Bridegroom, to receive Him fully: body, blood, soul, and divinity. I can honestly say that I have never made that Eucharistic walk the same since. It was a piece of Divine Wisdom that lifted the veil ever so slightly on a mystery that many of us grapple with. Jesus’ own followers,

This is a hard saying, who can listen to it ( John 6:60)

I have always had faith in the Eucharist, but it has been a faith that has been absent of a true lived experience in the moment. I have read writings of Saints and witnessed others who have experienced something far greater in that moment than I myself have been graced with. It has stirred a longing in my heart. A regular prayer to Jesus to allow His true presence to be truly present to me. Yesterday Jeff and I attended another wedding, Alisha and Mitch, another FOCCUS couple. As the bride and groom stood on the altar exchanging vows I was struck by the truth of what I was witnessing. Standing facing each other with clasped hands, the couple framed the hanging crucifix of our Lord. Jesus was meeting them in the middle and joining them on this journey. Shortly after we began our “walk to remember”. The couple had chosen a song that has held a special connection (songs do that so often) for me with Jesus.

How beautiful the hands that served the wine and the bread to the sons of the earth…How beautiful the radiant bride who waits for her groom with His light in her eyes… How beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful, is the Body of Christ.

Yesterday a prayer was answered. As the host was placed in my hands there was a shifting of reality that I cannot articulate fully. As I ate of the bread my heart swelled within me, awe and love consumed me, and tears began to fall down my cheeks. I returned to the pew and kneeled, holding this moment I have waited almost my whole life for close to my heart savoring the sacredness of that space and time. The veil was lifted for me for a moment. Heaven and Earth touched. It was truly, a walk to remember.

Go! I am sending you…

Jesus Sends Out the Seventy-Two

10 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two[a] others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. 3 Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. 4 Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

5 “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ 6 If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you.

Sometime in my senior year of high school, after I had settled upon the study of Physical Therapy, my mom stopped me one day upon the stairs. “Did you know that you will have to dissect a cadaver in PT school?” I asked the discerning question, “What is a cadaver?” “A human body.” I remember pausing and thinking for the space of a moment or two (dissection in high school biology was not a necessity I enjoyed by any means and that was a frog). My mom asked, “Do you think you can handle that?” I don’t remember if this was my exact response but I do think it was something along the lines of, “We’ll find out.” It remains to this day one of, if not the, least enjoyed classes of my college career. Jeff and I began our second year of Encounter School of Ministry in September. I am still human and like to look before I leap upon occasion. Year One found us hosting physical and inner healing nights for family and friends, practicing prophecy. In other words, really stepping out in faith. As I reviewed the Year Two curriculum my “fears” were realized. Door to door ministry, sent two by two. One redeeming factor was that it was the first quarter so I could “get it over with” and not have it hang over my head the whole year. Each weeks study and practice led us along the path of preparation. We were called upon to pray with random strangers that the Lord placed upon our heart in our day to day encounters. We were called to share the Gospel of Jesus at the Door of our hearts to a non believer. Finally we were called upon to knock upon door after door in a predetermined radius to invite people to the Lord. I wonder how many of you have already made a mental note, “Do not enroll in the Encounter School of Ministry.” I did too at first. Yet two and a half years later Jeff and I headed out onto the streets of Appleton. There are several important lessons of note that I can share that I learned from this experience. First when you truly give your life to Jesus, your life is Jesus’. This call had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with success. Any rejection or success we encountered were His, not ours. Second, prayer is a powerful weapon. The Holy Spirit prompted me to lead Jeff and I in prayer as we approached each house, “May the peace of Christ reside within this house. If there is one who the Holy Spirit has been planting seeds of faith within resides here, let us bring them an encounter with Christ.” We prayed rote prayers upon the doorsteps as we waited for people to answer. I am sure there are some RING doorbell owners who had a good laugh. The power of that prayer resided within the fruit. Jeff and I were not nervous, peace was with us. We had a success rate of 50% talking to us (my best guess heading into the day was 10%). Third we witnessed a Gospel reality.

Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

The second house we visited I saw a young gentleman working outside, easy pickings. We approached, introduced ourselves, and asked if he could use healing or prayer in his life. Turns out he is new to the area, a recovering alcoholic who had a recent relapse, just returned from an AA meeting, and seeking a church to join. We prayed over that man and I watched the power of the Holy Spirit affect him as tears formed in his eyes. I will never know the full ripple effect of our afternoon of evangelization this side of heaven. I do know that in that moment though, heaven was present and rejoicing, and it was well with my soul.

To Err is Human

 Psalm 79

Remember not against us the iniquities of the past; May your compassion quickly come to us.

This single line from Psalm 79 stood out to me from today's scripture collection. "Remember not the iniquities of the past." This prayer to God holds so much truth to human nature. The further along in a relationship I go, I notice a tendency I have. I remember the iniquities of the past. Not on a day to day basis mind you, but when a new "iniquity" arises, so too all the past ones step forward. This tends to have two negative consequences. First, I overreact. I must own this. I overreact. Instead of judging a friend, or child, or parent, or co-worker on the singular event of today, they are judged by all my past hurts. My ire can be quickly raised. Second, this makes forgiving quickly and moving on more difficult. I usually land in my pit of despair wallowing for a while. Israel feared that this human tendency applies to God (who obviously remembers EVERYTHING). And their thoughts in modern day terms would be something along the lines of, "We are sooo -BLEEP-" The saying goes, "To err is human, to forgive is divine." May I share a beautiful secret not often known and rarely recalled if it is? To forget is also Divine. We see ourselves as the sum total of our failings so often, especially when in relation to the Lord. It's our natural conclusion because that is often how we see others too. Jesus is the embodiment of Divine Mercy. He took our sins upon Himself not so that we would be forgiven but eternally whipped by them. He took our sins upon Himself so that something truly Divine could occur, they could be wiped clean. "When Jesus repeatedly states, 'Your sins are forgiven.'" He means, the slate has been wiped clean. When we truly repent, regret, remorse (pick your 're') the reset button is pressed. When we lie for the 1000th time, God is not looking at 1-1000, He is looking at 1000. There are three spiritual lessons that emerge from this.

1. St. Ignatius recommends a daily examine of what we do right and wrong and to be remorseful of the wrong. This keeps us in right relation with God. The slate is wiped clean regularly. This is a discipline I am still working toward. To want to forget our own failings is human as well I think, so this 'slips' my memory to do. (funny how that works.)

2. Stop holding the mirror of your own past up to yourself and allowing that to prevent your moving forward. God can't wait for you to live your best life, it can only happen when we realize that He made that possible on the cross. 

3. Mirror the immense mercy of God with each other. Let's keep the past in the past. When our mind begins to drift, tell it to stop. That's right, rebuke it. I believe we will find that forgiveness and the resulting healing come so much easier. 

I am a work in progress, but I am not the sum total of my mistakes and poor choices. Neither is anyone else that I encounter. Let us strive to be Divine not only in forgiveness, but as importantly, in forgetfulness. 

The Great Divorce

 I open my commitment prayer, "I am Yours, and You are mine." I have shared this with you in the past. I remember the first time I "committed" to the commitment prayer. It did not roll right off my tongue, its deep truth did not reveal itself in that moment. Much like the commitment vows I made to Jeff 28 years ago, the reality of the words of commitment are only discovered with time. Jesus freely espouses himself to each baptized christian.  He commits to His "yes". He unites Himself to us and to every promise that He has made. In prayer one morning I felt acutely His great pain at the reality of the [Great Divorce] of the current and last century. There is great debate in our society as to what constitutes "marriage." What most agree upon is that it is a commitment made for a lifetime. A commitment that has a failure rate of 45% currently. I remember when it hit its all time high of 53% and the societal murmur of concern. When the Spirit placed the words [Great Divorce] upon my heart He was not pointing to this statistic but one that should be of far greater concern and alarm. It is not a singular statistic but a grouping of them.

90% of confirmed young adults no longer practice their faith.

 Among the 31.7 percent of Americans adults who say they were raised Catholic, 41 percent no longer identify that way (fyi the numbers for other denominations aren't greatly different)

30% of adults in the United States have no religious affiliation.

This is the [Great Divorce]. We as a society are leaving God, severing our ties, or deciding it's not even worth committing to Him in the first place. We divorce the Lord for similar reasons we divorce each other. Money can be a lot more attractive than Jesus. We have difficulty seeing things eye to eye and He just won't change. Busyness drives us apart. We have a breakdown in communication. We didn't really know what we were getting into. We experience stressors and disappointment and we sense that He let us down. In human marriage it takes two to tango. In our marriages to the Divine, we have an unchanging Bridegroom upon whom the meaning of true love has been defined and exemplified. Our Bridegroom is the embodiment of "willing the good of the other." Jesus isn't high standards, He is perfect standards and that in and of itself may be THE contributing factor to the mass exodus (no pun intended). It can be difficult to feel we will never measure up, pride is so firmly rooted in our nature. If you are recognizing that you have taken steps toward your own [Great Divorce], spend some time with the Lord. As in our human marriages this is the first step in getting back on track. Have an honest discussion about where your struggles lie; what is going well, what needs work. Don't dominate the conversation, give Him time to respond to you. Jesus loves us completely, unreservedly, and unconditionally. He will not walk away. Ask Him to strengthen you in this commitment. Ask Him to better equip you for this journey with Him. Jesus will fill us where we are empty. Statistics are a tool of the enemy lulling us into accepting "new norms." We turn the tide when we decide, each of us, that we will NOT become a statistic.

From Temple of Doom to a Temple of the Spirit

 Do you not realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit? (1 Corinthians 6:19)

But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go. For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. (John 16:7)

My battle with my body began at the ripe age of 14. "Have you weighed yourself lately, you look like you may have put some weight on?" Ten pounds in fact. It was that moment that the enemy wedged himself into that opening and created for me an identity where I measure myself by a number on a scale. In two months there is a different number of measure that will settle upon me. 50. Yes, I am turning the big 5-0. A moment where many people allow the enemy to come and whisper lies and wreak havoc. Thank the Lord that this approaching number and measure are not controlling my mindset.

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11.

This promise of our Lord has become an internalized truth for me. This morning my morning contemplation with the Holy Spirit (something I affectionately refer to as 'free association') brought to me the delivered truth of this promise. This past weekend I spent sixteen hours toiling in our garden. Not putzing, toiling: bending, stooping, pulling, pruning, digging, mowing, sweating, sweating, sweating).  This morning the Spirit reveals a beautiful truth; I am sore but standing. Let me share some context. It has been over 20 years since I have been physically able to engage the garden the way I did this weekend. I have lived a life of physical kerfluffles. At 30 I blew a disk in my neck and back. It took 2 years before I could even begin weeding the garden for short durations. At 33, a torn meniscus. 38? A dislocated patella with microfracture of my femur. At 42 I tore my deep abdominal muscle and hip muscle and repeated that injury 3 more times over the next 2 years. At 45 I broke my foot and at 46 tore the ligaments in the front of my shoulder. 48 brought Covid down to bear on me, twice. The enemy may continue to lie and divert me with the number that flashes on my bathroom scale but the victory goes to the truth that the Holy Spirit reveals this morning: "Do you not realize that you are a temple of the Holy Spirit?" I'm finally beginning to!!! Believe it or not, the above litany of ailments have not required any surgical intervention. This is a miracle! I am physically stronger than I was when I was 30, 35, 40. That is a miracle! God is good! Amen! If we are baptized, we are indeed temples of the Holy Spirit. Period. How He resides in us is the game changer. We can keep Him locked away in some inner sanctum while we run around trying to maintain control. OR, we can set Him free. Truth and reality are unchanging, "You are a temple of the Holy Spirit." The experience of that truth is subject to change based on how we choose to live that reality. Up until a few years ago my perceived age exceeded my biological age, my litany of ailments limited me regularly. The Holy Spirit was locked away. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:36)

Five years ago I went from being baptized with the Spirit to being baptized in the Spirit. By God's grace I unlocked the inner sanctum and set the Spirit free. I am in capable hands going into this next milestone. Spend some time in free association with the Spirit. Let Him show you ways that His indwelling Spirit has allowed you to be a living miracle. 

The Moment of True Independence

Genesis 3:17-18 “Cursed is the ground for your sake;

In toil you shall eat of it

All the days of your life.

18 Both thorns and thistles it shall [a]bring forth for you,18 Both thorns and thistles it shall [a]bring forth for you, “Boast not thyself of tomorrow now is the day of salvation” (Proverbs 27:1) 

Matthew 6:34 is “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 

Jeff and I have spent the Fourth of July weekend celebrating freedom and independence by submitting to the slavery of our garden. Jeff and I are excitedly looking to the future. His retirement approaches now in a measurable countdown way. Our future plan is to transition fully to Kingston and to sell our home in Green Bay. We have been spending more time, energy, and resources at Kingston "preparing the way." Our garden in Green Bay has suffered the sin of looking too heavily to the future. As I stooped/squatted and pulled out hundreds of raspberry plants (admittedly earlier this week, a precursor) I recalled my warning to Jeff years ago to perhaps not plant something that is so invasive. Ten quickly become twenty, twenty become forty, and years later they are everywhere. I pulled raspberries from under the apple tree, the path, the vegetable garden, the rose garden (which was more raspberry than rose), the main perennial beds, and even the front of the house. 😠 Jeff and I battled far worse thorns as we tackled the rugosa roses and their die back limbs. Jeff cut down the magnolia that did not return this year after 20 years of beauty. I cut down the sumac, oak, black walnut, and walking stick tree; all self seeded where I deemed them an eyesore. The remains of the daffodils were removed, the iris cut back, along with the early daisies. Don't even get me started on the sundrops even though I have indeed started on the sundrops (the lesson of the raspberry applies here, this time I am the guilty one). Jeff set to replacing 2/7 broken fence posts which gave me the opportunity to thank the Lord again for answering the prayers of a desperate disciple who prayed, arms outstretched, in the midst of a gathering storm to please spare the fence; we didn't have time to fix it yet. This morning I started my prayer time in the garden. I had been choosing to pray inside most of this year as the sight of my garden discouraged me and made me feel trapped. As I walk and pray in my garden with the Lord, He points out to me that I have been neglecting the present moment for the future moments. We must remember that our future, down to our next breath is simply a figment of our imagination, truly out of our hands. The future is in God's hands and no matter how we expend time, energy, and resources, we do not control it. While our future is in his hands,

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11

our ability to encounter the Lord and fully enter into His plans for us, lies in the present moment. Walking in my newly tended garden, my spirit blooms with the appreciation not of where I think I am heading, but the blessed moment of where I am. Being present to the present helps to release us from future slavery. This moment, with Him, is where true freedom and independence lie. The garden of our souls must be tended day by day. We do not have the luxury of kicking it down the road to tomorrow. 

“This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Now if you will excuse me, the untrimmed hedges and remaining sundrops beckon. May you live this Independence Day dependent upon the love and provision of the Father, Amen. 

Lost Causes

Luke 9:58-60 Then He said to another man, “Follow Me.” The man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Let the dead bury their own dead. You, however, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”

Matthew 6:25, 32-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I enter prayer tired, preoccupied, and easily distracted. My first attempt to enter into prayer is outside on my patio, usually a place of peace, not today. I wander inside and follow an impulse to go to my bookcase searching out a book I had meant to reference. Strike two. I sit in debate. Quit now? Attached to my kitchen counter in a neat row are five post it notes. On them is my ‘to do’ list by Wednesday. My month-long reflections on Ignatian Spirituality kick into gear. Rule 7: God is giving me all the grace I need to get through this moment. Rule 8: Endure, be patient. I light a candle upon my kitchen table and wait. “Let the dead bury the dead.” The Spirit whispers, [Lost causes]. My house is a lost cause. My garden is a lost cause. Menu planning and grocery shopping are as well. Laundry? You guessed it, lost cause. 

(Ecclesiastes 1:2)Vanity of vanity it is all vanity.

I resemble a pinball machine this morning with both my mind and my body bouncing about. This morning the Lord discipled me in focus, in docility, and in persevering in first things first. My post-it notes remind me of what earthly things I am obligated to, but the Father reminds me that they are, in a sense, a lost cause. They represent priorities that do not place Him first. They pull me away from what should be my primary focus:

(Psalm 118) Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.

(Lamentations 3:23) His miracles are new every morning.

Today I rejoice over the small victory I accomplish with His grace. I did not give in and get on with the ‘meat and potatoes’ of my daily ‘to do’. 

Follow me, and let the dead bury the dead.

You Lord are the real ‘meat and bones’ of my day.  Help me to identify lost causes. Help me to not ‘throw in’ to [lost causes]. Help me to hear You when You pass by and say, “Follow me.” I trust in You, and through You, and with You, that “all these things will be given to you as well.” 

(Song of Solomon 1:4) Draw me away! We will run after you.