If you build it

Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered (Mark 3:20)

Emma made her first neighborhood friends at the age of three when my parents gifted her a Rainbow Play System for her birthday. This backyard playset complete with slide, swings, trapeze, monkey bars, playfort, and sand box was quickly discovered by the neighbor kids who began to come over regularly to play. Fast forward 7 years and we installed an Easy Set pool in our backyard. History repeats itself, this time including friends from school. As Jeff and I make this transition from Green Bay to Kingston, we are again making changes that we hope will succeed in drawing others to us, friends and family alike, along with the long term goal of creating a retreat space for ministers in the church. My first memory of hospitality occured at my friend Amy’s house just down the block. Her mom would invite me to stay for lunch: peanut butter, banana, and honey sandwiches on homeade bread- heaven. One time when I was sleeping over, I became famished in the middle of the night and Amy modeled her mom’s hospitality, this time with ham and cheese roll ups. In high school I worked for several artists that belonged to the Sisters of Divine Savior. Their Art Studio was located in the old convent adjacent to my school. Each day after school I was greeted with tea, cookies, and warm smiles. The Sisters gave me my first opportunity to extend hospitality to others by hosting the Saturday open houses. I think I was more excited to be able to prepare the studio (brewing tea, setting out cookies, and making sure all was ready) than to be on the receiving end of their hospitality. Early on in my marriage until my deeper conversion in Christ I lost the heart of hospitality. When I invited others over it had to be carefully planned out well in advance. I had to make sure that I had plenty of time to make my house look “perfect”, I had to make sure that I made food to “impress.” God inspired this insight, [I wanted to reflect well in the other person’s eyes instead of wanting Jesus to be reflected in my own.} True Hospitality is a charism: a gift of the Holy Spirit given to an individual to be shared with another to meet their needs and to help facilitate an encounter with Christ. The Gospel verse above was from this past Saturday’s reading and it stood out to me, Jesus came with His disciples into the house, again a crowd gathered. This is a simple and beautiful definition of hospitality: to act in such a way that Jesus is right there with us. It is also a great definition of disciple: bringing Jesus into the house. I have changed my goals when I invite people over. I try with each invitation to think of small ways that the person I have invited knows that they are welcomed and loved. This might mean a pot of decaf coffee for the friend who has given up caffeine, the favorite dish for the friend recovering from illness, the cookies everyone loves and the gluten free ones for the one who is gluten free. It also means letting go of perfection. I am learning to extend the last minute invite where I see the need and letting go of careful planning. Most importantly, it means making sure that when I am with someone, I am truly listening to them because it is in the things that they tell me that the Holy Spirit can give me the nudges for what else I can do. This most important act of hospitality takes hospitality, and Jesus, out of our homes and wherever we are having conversation. Hospitality can happen anywhere. Jeff and I are building upon the foundation of hospitality one room at a time seeking to provide a space for visitors to come, rest, and be refreshed. God has made us stewards of this property; we seek to return on His investment one person at a time. This one Gospel line encourages me; if we build it and keep Jesus center, they will come. For now, while we are under construction and in transition I leave each of you with a prayer in the form of a song. It keeps playing in my head so I’ll follow the nudge…

[Load Bearing]

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:“Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you,
    and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? (Job 38:1-4)

God blessed Job's later life even more than his earlier life. (Job 42:12)

In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways,  but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. (Hebrews 1:1-3)

I am the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6)

Happy New Year! I can’t believe that I blinked and Christmas Eve turned into the 13th of January. These past three weeks have ushered Christmas in (and out), ushered Jeff out of working and into retirement, and ushered Jeff and I into the active remodeling/construction phase of our transition to life in the country. God’s grace and provision have been wonderful and humbling. Yesterday I was listening to one of the Hallow App’s witness stories from their Advent Pray 25 challenge. Yep, I am still working my way through Advent because in a very real sense we are always called to Advent. This story worked its way into this morning prayer time as the enemy was trying his best to instill fear and doubt. My mind was filled with the vision of support beams, barn support beams to be exact. Last week Monday our contractor kicked off construction which was to include wrapping two supporting barn beams in a wall. Jeff was supervising this process as I worked from Green Bay cleaning up Christmas and doing some packing. I receive a text in the middle of the morning, “beams gone” accompanied by a picture of open space previously defined by these two beams. Cue heart flutter of slight panic. It turns out those beams didn’t line up and our wall would have needed to be twelve inches thick loosing a half foot of usable space. Further inspection revealed to our contractor, who happens to be a structural engineer (yes, this is one of many provisions God set in place), that these beams weren’t even structural. When the original remodel from barn to house was done, a tress system was installed. We now had six more inches of space in three rooms (cue another Godwink moment of provision)! This morning in prayer, even though I myself saw with my own eyes the tress system, I began to envision the collapse of our roof. God interjected into this with the following words, [Load Bearing]. This brought me right back to yesterday’s witness story about how the person’s husband was her support system, how that support prevented her from having a meaningful relationship with God, and how the death of her spouse led her to the truth, God is our central support system. Independent of our faith, our religion, and our relationship with God, God is The One Who holds each and every one of us in existence every moment of our lives. As we grow, age, and walk this journey called life, we introduce different support beams. These support beams might be labeled family, career, hobby, success, etc. I think the problem we each face is that we come to mistake these support beams for THE Central Support Beam (God) and we begin to believe that to lose any one of these beams will result in our collapse. My earthly father often says, “If you get old enough, God takes away the things you value one by one until there is just you and He.” This is in a sense the biblical story of Job revisited across the millenia. God does not do this out of cruelty. God is simply always seeking for our relationship with Him to be one where we recognize Him as the central support system. Looking at the story of Job we can be reassured that once Job encountered God and recognized this truth, his life was blessed in greater ways. I don’t believe that we have to resign ourselves to being Job at some point. I believe God is inviting each of us to continually evaluate our support systems. Is there a support that I am placing too much weight and value on instead of God? He is inviting us to let go of the fear of loss and the fear of collapse. God is inviting us to trust that He will keep us upright if we make Him load bearing

Lord, help me to lean centrally on you. Give me the wisdom to see where in my life I put too much weight. Give me the courage to be faithful like Job and say, “the good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” Give me the faith to know that in all things you will hold me up. Amen.

Space Mountain

The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. (Genesis 12:1)

an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.” (Matthew 2:13)

Don’t be afraid, Zechariah! God has heard your prayer. Your wife Elizabeth will have a son, and you will name him John. (Luke 1:13)

On the same day that I had the epiphany that I could spiritually gift to others what God has so blessed me with, I went to daily Mass. It turns out God wasn’t done speaking just yet. After I returned from communion, God reminded me of a promise He made to me almost 6 years ago regarding our future, [If you give it to me, I will make it amazing.] He wasn’t done, this wasn’t a reminder message, it was a clarification message. I felt God say the following, [Predictable isn’t amazing]. As Jeff and I embark into so many ‘unknowns’ in these upcoming months, I find myself wanting more set variables. As we decide on medical and dental insurance, I would like to know what our health is going to look like. As we get ready to sell our house, I want to know what the housing market will look like. I could go on, but I trust you’re getting the idea. Remember, I am a recovering Type A personality. I think this is a common human ailment, the desire to control. I went home and promptly put those words, [Predictable isn’t amazing] in my journal. Two days later, again at Mass (I hope some of you are starting to see a pattern!) God took me to DisneyWorld after communion. Specifically, He took me to one of our favorite rides, Space Mountain. Space Mountain is a wonderful rollercoaster. It never gets old. Every time I go on, it’s like being on it for the first time. There is a very good reason for this. Space Mountain is a rollercoaster that is ridden in the dark. I don’t get to see the hills, turns, and whatever else it has ahead. I am forced to live the ride in the moment. Today at Mass, God showed me the polar opposite of Space Mountain, It’s a Small World. This is a ride of predictability and boredom. It is a ride that feels like you’re on it forever. It is a ride that we haven’t stepped onto in at least 15 years. It is that uninspiring. Sadly there are a lot of people who believe following Jesus looks like, It’s a Small World. This is a lie of the enemy. The past seven years of my life have proven again and again that abandoning my life to the Space Mountain of spirituality ensures that my life will continue to be amazing. He enters into my time and space of uncertainty to assure me that there is nothing to fear in this uncertainty. He is good for the promises He makes. God has never in His history with His people given too many details. He doesn’t want to ruin the excitement or the surprises, and He wants us to keep coming back to Him again and again. This was a beautiful Chrsitmas gift. He didn’t answer any of my unknown variables, instead He gave me peace in the wild ride that is the unknown. Christmas is a beautiful time to remember to expect the unexpected because extraordinary isn’t predictable. May Jesus, God with us, enter into the nativity of your uncertainty and bring you peace this Christmas. Amen.

Spiritual Regifting

Brothers and sisters; Rejoice in the Lord always. I say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Four years ago I wrote my first Advent book, In the Spirit of Christmas (self published, don’t look on Amazon :)). That book followed the inspiration that there are no accidents or incidental details with God, but that every word and detail in God’s Word was intentional. Following that inspiration, I walked through Advent by walking through each detail in the nativity narrative and what it means for us today. When I came upon the Wise Men, I reflected on our call to bring our gifts before Jesus. My inspiration with this element was that God has already given us the gifts that we can give in our “charisms”, our spiritual super powers so to speak. We are called to a “regifting” of sorts. This advent it feels as if my litany of prayer intentions is filled with some heavy hitters. The enemy has been busy to say the least. Yesterday morning I entered prayer with a heavy heart, a feeling not of hopelessness in God, but in the hopelessness of man. I know that God can work all things for good, but He requires our cooperation. As I prayed into each person’s struggle something different happened, I began to see what spiritual superpower that person needed to better cooperate with God’s will and fight the enemy. Holy Spirit then brought to mind a lesson from my days at the Encounter School of Ministry. At our baptism and strengthened at our confirmation, God has given us each a unique gift set of divine superpowers to help us navigate our circumstances. That is not the lesson, that is the premise for the lesson. The lesson is that we can ask God to take what He has given to us and to give it to another in need. The first time I heard that, I recoiled. I thought of myself, “I need and want my gifts.” Thankfully that is not the end of the lesson. When we offer God our gifts for another in prayer, He replenishes our supply as well. God is so good and generous. This is modeled in Jesus. Jesus gave authority to His disciples to go out and heal the sick, in doing so Jesus did not become less powerful. It was a spiritual multiplication of loaves and fish. With pen and paper in hand I began to write down each person I am praying for and then which spiritual gift of mine that I would like to gift them this Advent. I went from feeling a bit hopeless to feeling empowered and hopeful! Jesus rescued my Advent yesterday! Imagine the change we could bring about this Christmas if we began some spiritual regifting in these last 9 days! What are your spiritual superpowers? Scripture outlines quite a few: faith, hope, love, courage, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, counsel, piety, awe, forgiveness, generosity, trust, peace. If you are a person of peace, who in your life is riddled with anxiety? Ask God to give them a share of your peace. If you are a person who can forgive easily, who in your life is struggling with unforgiveness? Ask God to give them a share of your forgiving superpower. We can share faith where faith falls short, fortitude where someone has an achilles heel. If it is easy to see God in the circumstances, I can pray wisdom into the person who just can’t see God. If I trust God in all circumstances, I can pray that my faith may answer the cry of “why” in another. I believe that God surrounds us with people that we can help, not just physically, but spiritually by asking God to share what He has graciously provided us with. John the Baptist told us as much in this past Sunday’s gospel.

The crowds asked John the Baptist, “What should we do?” He said to them in reply, “Whoever has two cloaks should share with the person who has none.”

It’s time to put together another Christmas gift list. Spend time with the Lord asking Him who He is asking you to share your abundance with. In prayer ask Him to grace that person with your share of faith, hope, love, forgiveness… Let’s put Christ back in Christmas by spreading more of what He really came to bring. Amen.

A Christmas Godwink

Trust in the Lord Forever! (Isaiah 26:4)

“Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.” (Matthew 7:24)

I know your works. Behold I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut; I know that you have little power and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. (Revelation 3:8)

Around fifteen years ago a friend gave me a book for Christmas, Christmas Godwinks. Godwinks are those coincidental moments that aren’t in fact coincidences. They are moments of encounter where the veil between heaven and earth is lifted enough that we experience the intervening power of God. They come in many forms and I try to hold them dear. This book is a compilation of people who witness God breaking through in extraordinary ways at Christmas. Last Thursday I was doing some packing. What to keep in Green Bay, what to take to Kingston, what more I can pair away. I was doing this in a greatly agitated state. I have honestly shared with you that uprooting and moving has not been a mentally tranquil process for a number of reasons. I will now honestly share that the enemy and I have been close and personal these past few months. Let me witness, He has a lot to share. I am an avid listener. Lately the battle has sounded a bit like this: “You know you can back out still. It’s not too late. Do you really want to do this? You know, you backed out of those three ministries, you can back away from this calling too. You’re a quitter, it’s what you do. You know you’re chickening out.” This is the litany of the enemy. This is what is running through my mind as I sifted books and I was tired, frustrated, scared, and discouraged, then I picked up Christmas Godwinks. I randomly opened the book and began reading. It was the story of a minister who was uprooting from Texan to Washington D.C. and as this transition was taking place he was filled with doubt and desperately seeking a sign that would let him know that he was in fact moving in the right direction. Like I said, Godwinks are coincidences that are not in fact coincidences. As the man prepared for a talk he had to give he came across a scripture verse from Revelation: “I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door which no one is able to shut.” I have never registered that verse, I have admittedly spent little time in revelation. On that day last week, in that hour, it was exactly what I needed to read. God is holding the door of this opportunity open for me, and it is a door which will not be shut. In prayer I turned to praise and thanksgiving for His moment of clarity and He provided one more. He put the enemy in his place. Those ministry “no’s” that I gave in the past two years? God showed me that if I had taken them, I would not be able to walk forward in this next step. He showed me that in those opportunities, if He had chosen, He could have help any one of those doors open too. In the past seven days the truth of that verse has played out several more times. These ‘challenges,’ that would normally send me into a tailspin of conversation with the enemy, now keep me faced resolutely forward. This Advent season I am going to double down on my efforts to keep Christ firmly rooted in my Christmas and when Satan comes knocking at the door? I am going to firmly inform him, “There is no room for you at this inn.” Where in your Advent are you allowing conversations with the enemy to pull you away from the manger of God’s love and mercy? Spend time reflecting on the nativity in your home or an image of that nativity and tell the baby Jesus just how grateful you are that He is coming because you really need His help. Then whisper all the ways that you are seeking freedom from the enemy. Amen.

Slow Down!

Come, let us climb the Lord’s mountain, to the house of the God of Jacob, tht He may instruct us in His ways, and we may walk in His paths. (Isaiah 2)

I will come to you in the silence. I will lift you from all your fears. In the shadow of the night, I will be your light, come now rest in Me. (Lyrics, You are mine)

This past Saturday, Jeff, Emma, and I slid into church for Mass a cool 4 minutes early. Our sacristan swooped in and said, “Oh good, my reader is here.” Short story shorter? I completely spaced that I was the one reading God’s Word that evening. Emma was home for her first visit since last Christmas and I was caught up in our usual post Thanksgiving “traditions.” I had not bothered to look at my calendar in almost 5 days. On Sunday night I sat down, opened up my planner and faced what I had been subconsciously avoiding. I didn’t have a “free” day until the 18th of December. On Monday I settled into my morning prayer time a little out of sorts (it had been delayed by coffee with Emma). As I read the readings and entered my prayer space two things happened. First, I heard God speak to my situation, [Slow down! Slow down! Slow down!]. Next I was transported back to my childhood in Milwaukee and those same words being called out to me in my rush: to get outside to recess, to get to lunch with friends (especially on Hot Dog day!), to rollerskate, to go to my friend Amy’s house, to get home for dinner. My pace hasn’t changed much in over forty years but the object of my pace has: running errands, cleaning the house, making dinner, doing laundry, helping at church, helping out friends, getting ready for Christmas, getting ready for moving (etc, etc, etc). [Slow down!] The night before (Sunday night) as I drifted to sleep the Lord replayed my day. It was not a Sabbath in any way. It was a production of unboxing every Christmas decoration from thirty years and curating keeps and gives. [Slow down!] God is inviting me to a different Advent. He is inviting me to separate myself from the frenetic pace that I have created. There are still three weeks of Advent left! Advent is about hope after all! What can I do to make room at the Inn of Quiet? Words settle on my heart, [From doing to experiencing]. I find myself asking myself if I can take the time to live my to do list: cookie making, card writing, present wrapping, adoration planning (etc). What if scheduling time becomes scheduling intentionality? The goal then in no longer the completion BUT the completing itself! We tend to be so busy getting through the “to do’s” because we believe the lie that we will then get to the “to enjoy.” I am starting to recognize my truth: I only add more to the “to do.” So yesterday I slowed down. I lived my “to do” from making our bed, to putting away laundry. I found myself able to voice gratitude that normally is overlooked: thank you for a warm bed to snuggle in each night, thank you for the variety of clothes that make me comfortable. How can you slow down this Advent? Spend time in prayer and see what our Savior has in mind.

God, I am in a rush. I am busy. It is my own doing. I want to slow down. I want to experience the wonder of Your creation, Your love, Your hope, and Your peace this season. I can not do this on my own, I fail. Grace me with Your patience, Your help, Your reminders. May I hear and heed, [Slow down!] Amen.

A seat at the table

A most blessed and Happy Thanksgiving to each of you who finds themselves reflecting on my reflections. Today (as in the day I am writing this) is Monday, October 21st. Yesterday in my morning prayer time, the Holy Spirit inspired this reflection which I am inspired to share with each of you this Thanksgiving as we prepare to gather around our own feast tables. May the grace and peace of our Lord walk with each of you as you encounter those who will gather around you this Thanksgiving.

James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus and said to him,
"Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you." 
He replied, "What do you wish me to do for you?" 
They answered him, "Grant that in your glory
we may sit one at your right and the other at your left." 
Jesus said to them, "You do not know what you are asking. 
Can you drink the cup that I drink
or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?" 
They said to him, "We can." 
Jesus said to them, "The cup that I drink, you will drink,
and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized;
but to sit at my right or at my left is not mine to give
but is for those for whom it has been prepared."  (Matthew 10)

Purgatory is a concept that I have struggled with. I know that this is a very Catholic concept and a very contentious one at that. In my reflection of purgatory my struggle has not been on the idea that when many of us die we will still need some ‘polishing’ up to become holy. I don’t believe that will be a ‘poof’ experience but some sort of process. What I have struggled with is some portrayals of purgatory: doom and gloom. On this particular morning, as I sit in prayer in the ‘fireplace’ room at Kingston, a childhood memory was sparked: my many years seated at the ‘kids table’ at family holidays. In my adult life the kids table has not existed, a lost remnant of larger families. Today’s Gospel brings to mind the promise of the heavenly wedding feast. James and John are trying to manipulate the seating chart for places of honor.What if purgatory is more like the ‘kid’s table’: a place that is still part of the feast, part of the family, but that is set aside for those who are not mature enough to join the ‘big table’ (you know the individuals who still have a propensity to throw a roll when asked to pass the rolls). Oftentimes there was an adult at the kid’s table to oversee the mayhem of so many immature souls, perhaps in heaven as well, we are guided by a spirit of wisdom to what is required to sit in the choice seats. Jesus tells us in today’s Gospel that it is not we who pick our seats, but our seat is chosen for us. I think that when pondering heaven, we can often fall into the James and John camp: we boldly think we have earned a prime spot. We are called to strive to be saints in this life so that we can be Saints (seated at the head table so to speak) in the next. Jesus throughout the Gospels models and teaches us to what this looks like. One particular Godpel stands out to me that ties well to today’s reflection…

When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 14)

This “holyday” season as we gather with friends and family let’s spend some time preparing for the tables we will sit around. What behaviors in my life keep me firmly at the spiritual ‘kids table’? What can I do differently this year that will reflect a readiness for a seat at the big table. Allow this Gospel to have it’s desired effect: begin with the humility that our seat is at the ‘kids table.’ This holiday season, while our brains work on the logistical details of our gatherings, spend some time in prayer asking our Father what is keeping us at the ‘kids table.’ Take the insight that God bestows and boldly ask for the grace to change whatever that ‘vice’ might be into it’s opposing virtue. May our holiday tables look a little more ‘holy’ this season. This will truly be something to be thankful for!

Live like you’re dying

Jesus said to his disciples:
"In those days after that tribulation
the sun will be darkened,
and the moon will not give its light,
and the stars will be falling from the sky,
and the powers in the heavens will be shaken.

"And then they will see 'the Son of Man coming in the clouds'
with great power and glory,
and then he will send out the angels
and gather his elect from the four winds,
from the end of the earth to the end of the sky.

"Learn a lesson from the fig tree.
When its branch becomes tender and sprouts leaves,
you know that summer is near.
In the same way, when you see these things happening,
know that he is near, at the gates. 
Amen, I say to you,
this generation will not pass away
until all these things have taken place. 
Heaven and earth will pass away,
but my words will not pass away.

"But of that day or hour, no one knows,
neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." (Mark 13:24-32)

From the moment of our conception we begin our journey towards eternity. Eternity is not of this world and this earth; it is entered through the common gateway of death. For a span of time here on earth, our journey is marked by growth, by flourishing. There comes a tipping point where biologically we stop our cycle of physical growth, we maintain for a short duration, and then (God willing) we begin a long, slow period of decline. Death comes for everyone. I am well aware that this Gospel points to the ‘End Times’, however today this Gospel spoke to each of our own end times. From the porch of our Bed and Breakfast in Savannah, my mom watched a jogger zoom by through Forsythe Park across the way. As we sat eating a rather indulgent breakfast the juxtapositon of how we were spending our time was not lost on my mom. She shared her perspective by telling the jogger (just loud enough for our ears), “You’re still going to die.” What wisdom! We as a society hide from this truth. We spend billions (probably trillions) of dollars each year trying to deny our mortality. We eat vegan, paleo, mediterranean. We punish our bodies with strength training, cardio, HIIT. We pursue surgeries and chemotherapy. We try to cheat the system and beat death. We can’t. The next best thing would be to buy time or to know how much time we have. I have often been lured into the popular click baits: the best thing to eat every day, the one exercise to extend your life, what is your real biological age. Seven years ago my dad almost died twice in the span of a few hours on December 13, 2017 while undergoing surgery for bladder cancer. It turns out the bladder cancer was metastatic, a certain death sentence with a life expectancy around 18 months. He was started on a trial of Keytruda (write that name down all you who want to beat death) and told it may extend his life another 14 months. In the words of Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter, “The boy who lived!” Ah, the folly of man’s best guess.

But of that day or hour, no one knows

This morning in prayer a beautiful truth emerges: I am SO happy that I DIDN’T KNOW I would have at least seven more years with my dad. That perpetual sense of borrowed time that we have been living in has given us the sense of urgency in using our time truly judiciously. We have embraced each holiday as if it were the last (because it might be and one day will be). We have spent more time at Kingston with my dad and improving Kingston in ways that help him to enjoy Kingston more fully. Jeff and James have travelled to Canada A LOT with my dad in the last seven years. We went skiing even though I thought it was kinda crazy, but why not?! I have made sure to tell my dad I love him and to give him a hug every time I see him. If I had known I had so much time I would have been human and procrastinated. I have had more quality time not because I have had more time, but, because I have lived in the present moment while acknowledging the future reality of limited time. Here is another truth that was inspired by this Gospel. We have a savior who’s in the same boat of ‘not knowing’ with us!

No one knows…nor the Son

I had never considered those three words before, nor the Son. I have often struggled to believe that Jesus never stops giving up on us, never stops standing by our side, for those who will deny Him to their death. While this Gospel speaks to the global end times, perhaps it also speaks to our individual end time. Jesus stays with us in our trials, our sicknesses, our tribulations, our victories, our failures. Jesus stays with us in each present moment because it may be our last present moment and He doesn’t want to waste one opportunity to save us. Think about it. Here’s another way to look at this; when someone you love is struggling (whether with illness or life’s circumstances) if you knew they were going to come out the other side of this okay, would you invest the same amount of time, energy, and love on this moment of crisis?

But of that day or hour, no one knows

To quote an old Tim McGraw song, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying." Spend time in prayer with our Lord this week. Think about this, right now, each moment that we have breath in our lungs may be one of the last moments that we get to spend time with Him. What would you start changing if you were to truly start living the truth of our own mortality?

Space Invaders

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39)

Reset. Reset. Reset. That’s me, pushing the Holy Spirit button trying to re-center my day and my prayer. It has been one of those days of frustration. People are pushing my buttons. Obligations are pushing my buttons. Responsibilities are vying for attention and all of these things have taken over the hamster wheel of distraction inside my brain as I try (try being a very loose word) to pray (another “obligation”). In the midst of this mental chaos the Holy Spirit drops a blast from the past, the video game Space Invaders, and I have to laugh. Following this prompt I try to imagine all my distractions as descending spaceships and shoot them down one by one. Sadly this doesn’t work. Next I take all my distractions, imagine wrapping them up in a box, and I unceremoniously dump them in the arms of Mary, “Here, you watch these for a while so I can spend some quality time with your Son.” This does do the trick and it brings my mind back to the words of the Holy Spirit, [Space Invaders]. I have often shared with friends (probably with you as well) that there is a part of me that longs for the monastic life. The quiet contemplative life of the “Desert Fathers” where life doesn’t invade. I have often thought that in the space of isolation holiness would surely be more attainable. Without the invasion, demands, needs, and frustrations of the outside world, our spiritual world would have SO much less distractions to “shoot down.” This morning as the quiet focus of prayer takes hold and His voice is able to be heard I come to the realization that isolation is not the petri dish of holiness. True holiness is best achieved in the messiness of space invasion. I cannot grow in virtue independent of human relationship. People are not the problem; they are the practice field for love, mercy, forgiveness, patience, humility, kindness, gratitude, and generosity. I am called to love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength in the midst of life not independent or isolated from it. Jesus reminds us of this calling when He answered the question, “Teacher, what is the greatest commandment?”

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39)

Jesus teaches us that these two are intertwined. I must stop wishing for the monastic life. Each day with it’s frustrations, interruptions, and interactions provides my sanctifying opportunities where grace abounds. Amen.

Lectio Collect: Final Take

Almighty ever-living God, Who in abundance of your kindness surpass the merits and the desires of those who entreat you, pour out your mercy on us to pardon what conscience dreads and to give what prayer does not dare ask.

To give what prayer does not dare ask.

Blessed are the meek and humble for they shall inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:5)

We live in a culture of taking what we feel is rightfully ours. We are encouraged to pursue our desires unapologetically. The only person who is going to look out for #1 is me when I am “numero uno.” Humility is knowing and living the truth that I am not Number One. Meekness isn’t mousiness either. Meekness is control. Meekness is holding myself back from taking. Holy Spirit enlightened me with these words, [Meekness is humility in action. Meekness is stepping back and allowing God to step in.] Meekness is trusting that God, who is Love and Mercy itself, will in fact give me far more than I will ever deserve. To dare not to ask, is to let go and let God. Profound! It is through meekness, this discipline of holding back from grabbing, taking, and claiming, that we, as God’s children, can finally be free to receive what God desires to abundantly give. Can I practice the discipline of meekness in my prayer? Can I model The Savior in my moments of need?

Not my will, but yours. (Luke 22:42)

Where in my life am I grabbing? Where am I number one? It is okay to tell The Father why you fear letting this go. Share your heart with Him; going back to the first reflection, starting in prayer is the start of humility. Ask Him for the grace to let go. Ask Him for the grace of trust. Be patient in the waiting. He has been infinitely patient waiting for you to finally let Him be number 1. Let go. Let God. Be renewed. Receive. Amen.

Lectio: Collect Prayer, take two

Almighty ever-living God, who in the abundance of your kindness surpass the merits and desires of those who entreat you, pour out your mercy upon us to pardon what conscience dreads and to give what prayer does not dare ask. (Daily collect prayer)

Pur out your mercy on us to pardon what conscience dreads

Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4)

Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world (John 1:29)

We all carry the wounds of sin. Our own sin and the sin of others, directly and indirectly. Think ripple effects (one of the earliest reflections I shared over four years ago). The British have a saying, “Keep Calm and Carry On.” I think that we spend much of our time trying to just “carry on.” We bury to protect ourselves. We try to cope using the mechanism of forgetting. Burying and forgetting, in essence, “carrying on” is a tool of the enemy. We never truly forget what is etched on our hearts and souls. This prayer calls this truth to mind. There is but one resolution, one cure, one true coping mechanism: God’s surpassing mercy.

I am the way, the truth, and the life. (John 14:6)

We all have “dreads” of the conscience. Those are the words which really hit home that evening in Mass. What our conscious dreads is what we have hidden, supressed, or ignored. This prayer is a prayer of consolation and not condemnation. God desires to bring His mercy into what we dread. He seeks to console and to heal.

For they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)

God desires to go where we dread.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. (Revelation 3:20)

We are each invited to invite He Who Takes Away The Sins of the World in. What is Jesus seeking to heal in your life? What sin of your own doing or another’s have you been carrying for far too long? Spend time with His Words provided above and in prayer ask Him to show you what He is ready to heal so that you can truly carry on.

Lectio: Collect Prayer, take one

Almighty ever-living God, who in the abundance of your kindness surpass the merits and desires of those who entreat you, pour out your mercy upon us to pardon what conscience dreads and to give what prayer does not dare ask. (Daily collect prayer)

Over the weekend of October 4-5 it was my turn to proclaim God’s Word at the Saturday evening Mass. When I do this I am usually a bit distracted by anxiety and mentally going over what I am reading, how I am proclaiming God’s Word, and most importantly reminding myself when I am supposed to approach the altar. It is often an exercise of nerves which I am busy offering to the Holy Spirit. This is all happening at the beginning of Mass, a time when it is easy to go on autopilot. During this time the priest will open with a brief prayer that I often find formal and uninspiring or which is tuned out due to mental distraction. Admittedly what I often hear is the Charlie Brown, “Wah, Wah, Wah.” In the midst of nerves and mental olympics on this day the above prayer broke through and filled me with awe. I sat down with pen and paper the next day and broke it all down. In this simple easily overlooked prayer so much truth, wisdom, reassurance, and encouragement are housed. Today I bring you Lectio: Collect Prayer.

Almighty ever-living God, who in the abundance of your kindness surpass the merits and desires of those who entreat you

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3)

Pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Taking just the first half of this short prayer there are three truths that we are invited to call to our consciousness again and again. God is almighty and eternal. I think we hear this so much that we don’t give it time to resonate. God is and He always will be ~AND~ God can, period. Go ahead, fill in the blank. God can ______. There is nothing that our human minds can imagine that He is not able to do, NOTHING. He is the ONLY ONE capable of this. To fully recognize this is to be filled with awe, which is really the virtue, fear of the Lord. It can also fill us with a different fear, the cowering kind. This brings us to our second truth: God’s kindness is abundant. I think each of us has experienced either directly or indirectly power used to harm us. We often transfer those painful experiences wrought by man to expectations of what to expect from the God that can. The God that can, chooses to act in abundant kindness. We also live in a world of quid pro quo. We receive what we give or what we deserve. We are back to square one of that pesky cowering fear. Enter truth point three: God’s kindness surpasses our merit. God is not a God of quid pro quo. The eternal God chooses to be the God who can and will do Good. “How”, we might ask, “are we supposed to respond to these truths?” Jesus’ words answer this question, “Blessed are the poor in spirit…” This statement has challenged me, this idea of poor in spirit. Don’t I want to be rich in spirit? Holding all these things in prayer, it is prayer that answers. To be poor in spirit is to pray. Each and every time that we lift our hearts in prayer we are acknowledging 1. God is 2. God can 3. God is good. St. Paul provides the prescription for maintaining poverty of spirit, pray without ceasing. This is how we attain the Kingdom of Heaven. [Where else does the Kingdom of Heaven meet earth but at the intersection of prayer?] It is much like the “little way” of St. Therese. We are simply asked to lift our arms up to our Father and allow Him to pick us up. Spend time with these truths. May they comfort and encourage you to lift your heart in prayer again and again this week! Stay tuned as I continue Lectio: collect prayer in the next post.

Moving Forward

Siempre Adelante (Always Forward, never back) ~ St. Junipero Serra

The Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you…so Abram went as the Lord told him. (Genesis 12:1,4)

The Lord says, I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you. (Psalm 32:8)

I am coming to accept a difficult truth: there is a chasm that lies between dreaming and realizing. This is what I will call the chasm of action. Intent is not, in fact, action. Alas, it is not the thought that counts. Jeff and I are in the countdown to Jeff’s retirement (under 90 days). We are rapidly breaching the gap of ‘someday’ to ‘this day.’ this has required action in the form of ‘first steps.’ In many ways I feel like I am being led to the edge of a cliff and asked to jump over and over. Jeff had to give his notice to his employer. We had a realtor come look at our house and discuss when we should put it on the market. We made the ‘book it now’ commitment to a month in Savannah to spend part of winter in a warmer climate in a highly walkable city. We have been filling our garbage bin to the brim weekly and taking carloads to Goodwill as we sift through 30 years of accumulated stuff. We have begun the hand over process of our church ministries. Cliff after cliff, step by step, always forward. This is a momentum of trust, a momentum of love, and a momentum of faith. Without our relationship with God, both individually and within our marriage, we would NOT be taking these steps. God planted this dream almost 20 years ago. He has shaped it. He had provided for it and yet He continues to unfold this forward momentum one step at a time. There are A LOT of unknown variables, blank pages if you will. Every Day, let me repeat myself, every day, I doubt, I fear, I question, and I try to put together back-up plans. Every day, in prayer, the God of abundant kindness reassures me. He walks me down the path that has led us here. He doesn’t magically reveal anything new. He simply stands on the truth of Who He has been, Who He is, and Who He will continue to be. Let’s face it, it is easy to dream. It is easy to plan. Neither of these is actual forward momentum. At some point when we trust that our plans and dreams are in keeping with who He calls us to be, we must move from intention to intionally acting. I pray that these words inspire you to also breach a chasm you have been facing in your life. Please pray for me as I resolutely move always forward.

From ingratitude to In gratitude

 He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there; the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

I was on vacation with my mom in Savannah/Charleston when the words [from ingratitude to In gratitude] inspired and convicted me. I was inspired over a year ago by the Holy Spirit to take my mom on this trip. She has not had a proper vacation in five years. That time has been filled with what I believe to be her gift of service. She has been serving her family through some difficult needs. I am well known for my “art” of vacation planning (read: ability to handle logistics at a micromanagement level). This particular vacation was an advanced course in pivoting. There were “challenges” (read: things did not go the way I planned). With each of these challenges as I was able to pivot and recalculate I found myself returning to prayer to thank God for the pivot, for the wisdom and perseverance to keep moving forward. One day in prayer as I was once again giving “thanks” I saw that my thanksgiving was given in hindsight and almost always after complaining. Up to that point in time, my routine was: difficulty/problem - frustration/anger - prayer - resolution - thanksgiving. In other words, my gratitude flowed after ingratitude. This was a moment of seeing myself much more clearly in St. Paul’s “glass darkly glass.” I realized that while I see myself as a hope filled person who loves God and seeks God in my day to day life, I am pessimistic before I am optimistic. My gratitude is in hindsight not anticipation. I have trust issues. In gratitude (pun intended), God gave me several more opportunities during our vacation to become more grateful in anticipation and trust. When the rental car had a flat tire the night before our departure: Jesus I trust that you’re going to get us to the airport safely, thank you. When our flight was delayed and it looked like we might miss our connection: Jesus whenever you return me home safely, thank you. I am learning in this walk of faith that there is gratitude and then there is doctoral level gratitude. I am called to be grateful for the blessings God has given me. I am also challenged to be grateful for the blessings that I trust will come from the challenges of this life ~ before ~ I have received them. Allow me to revert though once again to the gratitude of hindsight. I am grateful for all of the ways that God did indeed provide during our vacation, most of all I am grateful that I can look back over the week that I got to spend with my mom as a beautiful gift.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

Each day does indeed hold challenges for each of us. Where is God inviting you to be forward thinking in gratitude today?

At the well of repentence

A certain Pharisee invited Jesus to dine with him, and he entered the Pharisee’s house and reclined at table.
Now there was a sinful woman in the city who learned that he was at table in the house of the Pharisee.
Bringing an alabaster flask of ointment, she stood behind him at his feet weeping and began to bathe his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and anointed them with the ointment. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, that she is a sinner.” Jesus said to him in reply, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people were in debt to a certain creditor;
one owed five hundred days’ wages and the other owed fifty. Since they were unable to repay the debt, he forgave it for both. Which of them will love him more?”
Simon said in reply,
“The one, I suppose, whose larger debt was forgiven.”
He said to him, “You have judged rightly.”

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. (Revelation 2:4)

“You can’t have revival without repentance.” This was the kickoff mantra of night two of the Eucharistic Revival. I remember standing in Lucas Oil Stadium with 60,000 fellow Catholics and thinking, “Why do we always have to go to repentance? Why can’t we just hit the high notes? Let’s stay on the mountaintop!” The good news of Jesus isn’t good news unless we recognize where we fall short and need a savior. I have been walking through the Gospel of Mark with my mom this summer. Each week we read a chapter and discuss what stood out to us and what it means in our lives. Mark’s Gospel starts out with John the Baptist, “And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.” (Mark 1:4). Jesus, embarking on His mission, carried the baton of repentance, “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!” (Mark 1:15) Many of us become a little squirmy at the word repent. I am going to share some insight from Bishop Barron on the deeper meaning of the greek word used in the Gospels: Metanoia.

Again we consult Jesus’ opening speech in Mark’s Gospel: “Repent.” The word so often and so misleadingly translated as ‘repent’ is metanoeite…the English word ‘repent’ has a moralizing overtone, suggesting a change in behavior or action, whereas Jesus’ term seems to be hinting a change at a far more fundamental level of one’s being. Jesus urges His listeners to change their way of knowing, their way of perceiving, their mode of seeing… But what exactly is the problem with the way we think and see?…we see and perceive with a mind of fear rather than a mind of trust. When we fear, we cling to who we are and what we have…hence when Jesus urges his listeners to believe…He is calling them to find the new center of their lives where He finds His own, in the unconditional love of God…It has everything to do with radical change of life and vision, with the simple and dreadfully complex process of allowing oneself to swim in the divine sea, to find the true self by letting go of the old center. (Bishop Barron, The Word on Fire Bible, A New Way of Seeing)

I just have to repeat the inspired beauty of that last line, “allowing oneself to swim in the divine sea.” When you put repentance in that light, who wouldn’t want that?! As I reflected on these words, Holy Spirit inspired others: [To repent is to let go.] [Repentance is not about shame. It’s not always about sin. Repentance is about learning to leave behind what holds us back from the fire of Christ’s love.] If we want the love of Christ to burn in our hearts, there are things that we will need to let go of. Jesus’ words to St. John in the book of Revelation should pierce our hearts, we have lost our first love. This is what “repentance” is really about: finding Him, seeing Him, and loving Him. I shared two of Jesus’ healings in my short time at the Eucharistic Congress. Each of those required my metanoia, repentance. I had to let go of my anger at the Church and I had to let go of my false perception. Jesus was then able to bring me a new vision and way of seeing that were provided through the lens of my letting go. For healing from my childhood trauma I had to let go of shame, let go of a lie of brokeness, and let go of anger. These moments of metanoia returned Jesus as my first love. At each and every Mass we are invited to metanoia. In the beginning of Mass we repeat, “Lord, have mercey…”. Did you know that in that moment we are invited to lift our broken selves and are able to receive forgiveness for our non-grave sins? (Grave sins require confession) Then again just before Eucharist we recite, “Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.” My whole life I have always interpreted that moment as Jesus taking away my sin, and He is, BUT my eyes were opened to the beauty that Jesus, through His healing, takes away the sins of others that I have suffered! This has profoundly elevated this moment in the Mass. Do you long to feel the flame of Jesus’ love anew? Do you long to let go of fear? Do you long to live this life through the lens of the unwavering love of God? Spend time in prayer asking Jesus what He is asking you to let go of. Seek the revival Jesus seeks to bring to your life through metanoia, and allow yourself to swim in the divine sea.

Great Defender

*Content trigger warning! This post contains references to molestation (NOT by clergy)

Jesus in the Eucharist facilitated two healings for me during the National Eucharistic Congress. Both powerful and both precisely timed by my Heavenly Father, facilitated by a loving Savior, and illuninated by Holy Spirit. I believe that every one of us carries wounds from our ‘families of origin’. I believe that we can also carry wounds from our spiritual ‘family of origin.’ I can remember from an early age being fascinated by Mass. I watched the priest with close attention during the Eucharistic Prayer in particular. At one point in time I actually thought that I was psychic as I was able to ‘predict’ the next words out of Father’s mouth. This was how closely I listened. After my First Communion I remember holding Mass in my dining room with my little Mass book that I had received as a gift (which I recently came across in clearing out our basement). My first wound (and with further reflection, the core wound) was the wound of exclusion. As a girl I was not allowed to become a priest or even an altar server in my day. There was actually a time in my adult life that I pondered leaving the Catholic Church and becoming Episcopalian so that I could enter seminary. My parents had a vibrant social life within the churches they belonged in my early childhood. As Jeff and I joined our church here in Green Bay and welcomed our first child I was certain that our life would mirror my parents with a close knit group of parents. Despite weekly Mass attendance, volunteering, and having our children in the Catholic school, Jeff and I felt like outsiders most of the 19 years we sent our kids through school: the wound of exclusion. Almost seven years ago after my deeper conversion within the faith I was ready to spread my fire to the rest of the congregation. I have been stonewalled in major ways not once but twice: the wounds of exclusion. Some of you may be asking the same question that I have asked myself, “Why did you stay?” In one word: Eucharist. Our faithfulness to weekly Mass allowed my body and soul to recognize my elemental need for Jesus’ life giving food: body, blood, soul, and divinity. What else can explain a spiritual life thriving in the midst of harsh climate? Praying on the second morning of the National Eucharistic Congress I was filled with a profound love, gratitude, and awe of this church for the first time in my life. I could go back to those spaces of woundedness and feel whole without pain, regret, sorrow, or hurt. Jesus had healed my wound of exclusion without my even asking or realizing my deep need. For the first time I fully recognize that I belong, just as I am both to Jesus, and to His church. Jesus had turned exclusion into inclusion, just as He had done for the lepers, for the tax collectors, and for the woman at the well.

This first healing facilitated the second. This was integral to God’s perfect plan. I was so blown away by the grace of finally feeling fully alive within this church that my threshold of trust finally reached the level needed to receive the next healing. Let me tell you, this came out of the blue. While the first healing was facilitated by a Holy Hour of Adoration, the second healing was facilitated in receiving Eucharist during daily Mass. Coming back from communion on Friday, I knelt and entered my prayer room with Jesus as is my custom. Upon opening the door in my mind’s eye, I was transported back 42 to my childhood home in Milwaukee. I knew exactly what moment in my history I had landed at. It was a wounded place that I have tried to heal on my own. I have tried to ignore. I have tried to avoid. It was the moment that I told my parents that my friend’s father had inappropriately touched me on several occasions. This was well before molestation was openly discussed or dealt with in ‘healthy’ ways. My parents reaction was probably pretty typical for the time. They became very angry and forbid me to play with my friend anymore. They wanted to protect me. My nine year old self interpreted their anger as anger with me and that I had done something wrong and I was being punished. The enemy used the open door to plant the seed that this happened to me because there was something wrong with me. On this Friday, having just received Eucharist, while this was the moment in time I entered, it was not the scene that greeted me. God, the Father, along with Mary greeted me. They wrapped their arms around my nine year old self and they told me over and over, “You were just a little girl.” “You were just a little girl.” Such a simple and profound truth that had alluded me up to this moment. Tears washed down my face, relief, and release flooded my very being. I can go back to that space in time now and feel no shame, no hurt, no resentment.

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

Receiving Jesus in the Eucharist allowed me to encounter my Heavenly Father in a profound moment of healing and grace (with Mary to boot!) Jesus waited 42 years for me in the Eucharist. He waited until my heart was ready to receive the healing He wished to facilitate. He brought me home to Abba so that Abba could take the pain, hurt, and lies away. Jesus waits for each of us in the Eucharist. We all have wounds. We all need His healing.

Be Held, Be Healed

Jeff and I in the "Hands of God" Ennis, Ireland 2023

I woke up last week with a song playing in my mind. I instantly recognized God radio and looked up the lyrics…

So when your on your knees and answers seem so far away, you’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. (Just be held, Casting Crowns)

I wrote the lyrics down and that inspiration led to an almost two hour journaling session with the Holy Spirit. It started with some Words of inspiration placed on my heart, [In order to be healed you have to allow yourself to be held.] I noted that the word held is contained with the word healed, something I have never really seen before. I began to reflect on healing. Healing was the theme of our Friday session at the Eucharistic Congress. As a retired Physical Therapist I have spent much of my adult life focused on the mechanics of physical healing. When a person has an acute injury it is recommended that they follow the R.I.C.E. module: rest, ice, compression, and elevation. It is amazing how many patients would come to see me, weeks into pain and dysfunction, and they hadn’t tried any of these interventions. As I reflected on R.I.C.E. the parallel of the physical world with the spiritual world unfolded. When we suffer the pain of spiritual injury (emotional, psychological, trauma, etc) God has designed us for a similar R.I.C.E. module.

• Rest: Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

• Ice: "But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips" (Colossians 3:8) or as the Lord put it to me on this particular morning, [Take away the hot and bothered of woundedness.]

• Compression: For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” (Isaiah 43:13)

• Elevation: Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Philipians 4:8)

  If we try to go about the business of life without addressing an injury swiftly, oftentimes a cycle of pain, guarding, reduced blood flow, and inflamation set in leading to chronic injury. When patients would present to me with a six week history of pain and dysfunction and hadn’t taken any of the R.I.C.E. steps toward healing, I knew I would not be able to get by with the “easy button” interventions. This was going to take the “big guns.” My reflections on spiritual healing brought me to the image of Jesus on the cross, God’s “big gun.” Jesus took on the wounds of humanity with His own healing module. Jesus was still. He did not fight His persecution, He did not run or avoid it. Jesus allowed himself to be held in the will of His Father on that cross, elevated. He was wrapped in the burial cloths of death, compressed. He descended to hell to fight the enemy. Jesus did not fight the enemy with cold as we treat our injuries. This healing, the healing of the brokeness of humanity spanning eternity, this healing would take heat: the all consuming heat of Divine Love. I will never look upon the image of our Lord upon the cross the same. Later in my career another element of healing became more widely utilized: proper nutrition. Jesus provided this cornerstone to us two millenia ago in the Eucharist. Most Catholic churches have move the central crucifix directly over the altar and the Wisdom of that move has changed my participation in the Mass. Jesus reminds us at every Mass that He has defeated the enemy and He shows us how in His model of healing. Wanting our greatest, fastest, most complete healing Jesus then provides us with Himself: body, blood, soul, and divinity, as the Divine nutrition.

  This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh. (John 6:50-51)

We are not meant nor designed to heal ourselves. It is not possible. We are created for the creators healing. What are the wounds that you carry? Where do you seek healing? Spend time with our Lord in the practice of R.I.C.E. and then seek Him in the Eucharist. Be healed. Amen.

The Greatest Love Story

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:8-9)

The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. (John 3:29)

As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah 62:5)

I sleep, but my heart is awake;
It is the voice of my beloved!
He knocks, saying,
“Open for me, my sister, my love,
My dove, my perfect one (Song of Solomon 5:2)

Each day of the Eucharistic Congress had a central message. The second day: The greatest love story. Fr. Mike Schmitz gave a powerful and beautiful talk of the story we all think we know, the story of a Father Who gave His only Son for us. The phrase that Fr. Mike kept repeating was, “You guys know this, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.” Do we though? For myself, that love story unfolded in a whirlwind in those five glorious mountaintop days. It continues to unfold and reveal itself to me to this day. I shared that during the opening night of adoration we witnessed the triumphant entry of Jesus in the Eucharist to the proclaimation: He is here. As Jesus was brought to the altar I felt this truth resonate in every cell and I sensed the Lord ask me (rather cheekily), "[Do you feel me now?'] My answer to him was filled with both tears and laughter, “Yes Lord.” We were led through a simple prayer meditation, “Jesus, show me who you are.” As I repeated this prayer, closed my eyes, and entered my inner room, Jesus did not keep me waiting. In my mind’s eye I saw two hands forming a heart.

That image then became two hands holding a heart.

Which morphed into an Irish Claddagh ring

Jesus desires to be my Bridegroom, my Beloved. In that same moment of realization I was enveloped in a warmth as if someone had just draped a robe or blanket around my shoulders. Standing in the sea of 50,000 faithful, I became “the one”, the beloved, the betrothed. We might know the story, but we don’t truly live or experience the story when we remain in a spirit of passive observation. During our morning empower sessions we were repeatedly reminded that this love story isn’t a Hallmark movie but a Lifetime original (great pun). Jesus invites each of us into the betrothal in a uniquely beautiful way. The morning following my images of betrothal our very first speaker, Fr. John Burns, spoke to the heart of Jesus as Bridegroom. It was a moment of affirmation that the images I received in prayer were not my own. In Jewish custom in Jesus’ time, the bridegroom would travel to the intended’s home and draw up the marriage contract with her father. At that point, the bridegroom would then ask the intended if she would become betrothed. It was not simply a contract between two men, it was ultimately the decision of the woman to accept the bridegroom. Jesus approaches each of us similarly. He does not force the betrothal, He asks. When the woman gives her “yes” she is taken back to the bridegroom’s home for a celebratory feast (this is not yet the wedding) which symbolizes the provision and care to come. God is in the beautiful details. This is part of the love story that I certainly didn’t know. These small details can sometimes blow the story we thought we knew wide open. Jesus left us a betrothal feast, a promise of provision. We are invited to come to His earthly dwelling and to participate in His meal. Several years ago while attending weekday Mass I asked the Lord why these “extra” Masses always seemed so much more intimate and spiritual for me. I felt Him say, Sunday Mass is the obligation, but weekday Mass is a freewill ‘yes.’ The greatest love story is lived at every Mass. It is a lifetime original and Jesus awaits our ‘yes’. Come to the feast of heaven and earth. Meet your Bridegroom.

• For reflection: Spend time with the Lord. Ask Him, “Show me who you are.”

• If you skip or avoid Mass, ask yourself what is holding you back? Ask Jesus to give you a heart that can say ‘yes’ to meeting Him at Mass.

• I have two videos below. The first is Fr. Mike’s talk at the Congress. Take the time to watch it and allow yourself to hear the story again. The second is a beautiful prayer that Fr. John Burns prayed over a group of Blessed is She retreat-ants. If you are a woman, you will not want to miss this.

Freely you have received; freely give.

The following reflection was started a week ago, so my time and scripture references are a week off.

Freely you have received; freely give. (Matthew 10:8)

He said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you (Luke 22:13)

I have been away for awhile because our Lord called Jeff and I away. Jeff and I traveled down to Indianapolis with over 200 fellow Green Bay pilgrims to the National Eucharistic Revival. My heart is bursting and my mind buzzing to share with you a portion of the fire hose of grace that we received. I have been trying to figure out where to even begin and early this morning it dawned on me how the Gospel writers must have faced a similar challenge as they put quill to papyrus. I will begin as I often do, with this past Sunday’s Gospel.

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.  But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them.  When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. (Mark 6:30-34)

This Gospel was made fully present for me this past week. Many pilgrims, myself included, are the wearied apostles gathering together from our missionary corners of the United States. We are workers or volunteers striving to bring Jesus more fully into this world. We are parents longing to raise our children knowing Jesus. We share one commonality: we are swimming against the current of our current society and it can be exhausting. In some miraculous way Jesus called each of us to Indianapolis, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” In an even greater miracle Jesus made it possible in a sea of 50,000 for me to truly “get away”, to be renewed, to be refreshed, to be healed. My experience was extraordinary without a doubt but it is an experience that our Lord Jesus seeks to bring to every Christian walking this journey. I want to package up those 5 days of firehose grace and deliver them to each of you and I have been stuck in the mire and muck of “how.” I will try to bring to you the heart of the wisdom I received from the many talks we witnessed. I will try to bring you the heart of Jesus that He shared with me for His church. I will try to bring you the heart of the healing that Jesus brought about in areas of my own heart that I thought would simply be weeping and scarred this side of heaven. I will offer each of you my loaves and fish and trust the Lord to do the multiplying. I will follow the advice of Fr. Leo Patalinghug and bring it to you in bite size pieces.

This was effectively the kick off of the Eucharistic Congress. In a sea of 50,000 souls, these words stirred my heart with an excitement that I simply can’t describe. The excitement for the unknown. Before we ever left, as I shared with friends about this journey we were planning, I was often asked, “What are you hoping to receive?” My honest answer, “I am going in with the expectation that Jesus is getting ready to do great things. I have no expectation of what they are, but I trust it is going to be amazing.” The Lord had laid a good foundation this past Lent when Fr. Mike Schmitz shared the wisdom that expectations set us up for disappointment. When we expect something specific to happen or to go a certain way and it doesn’t, it takes us a beat to catch up to what the Lord is doing instead, which is always in some way better. I was able to enter this Eucharistic Congress not with my agenda for what I wanted Jesus to do, but a heart of openess for what he wanted to do. As these words, HE IS HERE, resonated to my very heart it was like transporting back 2000 years to the excitement of the crowds who eagerly awaited Jesus’ entry into their towns and villages, “He is here.”

Brothers and Sisters, the core Catholic belief in Jesus’ true presence in the Eucharist changes everything. HE IS HERE. We are not alone. We are not left with a veil between this world and heaven. We are invited to spend time physically in the presence of our Lord in His presence in the Eucharist. This is the first taste that I bring to you, the first bite, and it is the most important one. HE IS HERE in every Mass, in every church tabernacle and He awaits you. He eagerly desires to spend time with you. He is our Bridegroom waiting. I leave you with the talk from Sr. Bethany Madonna. It is about 25 minutes long so set aside some time to be able to receive her loaves and fish.

[Convergence]

[Convergence]: the process of state of converging: come together from different directions so as to eventually meet.

This weekend was my weekend to proclaim God’s Word at Mass. I usually begin early in the week with a quick ‘read through’ that culminates in ‘practice’ reading from the pulpit of my kitchen counter four or five times. One of the spiritual benefits of lecturning is that when Mass arrives, the Word has been thoroughly chewed upon. I’m not just reading, I’m allowing it to stir my heart and mind. This weekend I experienced a profound encounter with our Lord during Eucharist. The heavens didn’t open up. Angels weren’t seen circling the altar. I wasn’t miraculously healed of a thorn in my side (or now that I have finished the rough draft of this, perhaps I was- read on). My encounter was having Jesus come to me in those quiet moments following my reception of the Eucharist and explaining the reading even further just for me. As I closed my eyes and allowed myself to find the quiet stillness, this is what Jesus shared…

But you shall say to them: “Thus says the Lord God!” And whether they heed or resist- for they are a rebellious house- they shall know that a prophet has been among them. (Ezekiel 2:4-5)

We are all called to be prophets, it is part of our baptismal identity. It came to me during communion that the modern day lingo for prophet is evangelization. To be a prophet is simply to share what God is saying or doing in my life with another. Jesus highlighted the words, “whether thy heed or resist.” Jesus showed me a thorn in my side. I had been praying this week with St. Paul’s second reading (still to come!) and asking Jesus what thorns in my side He wanted to show me. One of my thorns is my belief that success is in convincing the people I am sharing God with. Jesus showed me that success is the sharing. My call is to share and allow the seeds that I plant to do what they will, that is His job. Moving on to St. Paul’s second reading…

A thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of satan. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

Jesus next showed me a thorn that is common to many Catholics: difficulty with the true presence of Jesus’ body, blood, soul, and divinity, in the Eucharist. For myself it is a thorn of desire. I want to experience what I know to be true in my heart and mind. I want the mystical at every Mass! In the last two years I have had the incredible grace to have 5 such moments (for context that’s out of at least 300 Masses). Jesus assures me in this Eucharistic moment that the power of His very self floods my weakness of senses and sustains me independent of my perception. This brought Jesus to the Gospel…

Jesus departed from there and came to his native place, accompanied by his disciples. When the sabbath came he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished. They said, “Where did this man get all this? What kind of wisdom has been given him? What mighty deeds are wrought by his hands! Is he not the carpenter, the son of Mary, and the brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house.” So he was not able to perform any mighty deed there,
apart from curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them.
He was amazed at their lack of faith. (Mark 6:1-6)

What Jesus shared next was one of those moments of knowing, knowing God’s voice from my own. These are the words He shared during communion.

Is it not just a piece of bread? Is it not just wheat and water? Is it not made by human hands?

This Gospel plays itself out at EVERY Mass in the hearts of countless Catholics. Jesus Christ made present to us, His family, in His own house, in the seemingly ordinary and we miss it. Let’s stop missing it. The best advice I can give is experience. I started praying for greater Eucharistic faith and encounter four years ago and He has met me in my weakness with His divine power. This is a thorn that Jesus longs to remove and heal. Jesus took my preparation with the Word and used that opening to share the thorns of my spiritual life. The Holy Spirit set me on my feet to take what the Lord has done and share it with each of you today: prophecy. That my friends is the [Convergence] available to each of us through the power of prayer in the Mass. Amen.