Embracing Frustration
The days will come when the Bridegroom is taken from them, and they will fast
What feels like ‘way back when I was in Savannah’ a new enemy crept up into my daily life: frustration. I found myself focusing and refocusing on the small details of a day that did not go according to plan. I was allowing myself to become impatient and angry over these details. One morning while in prayer I had my ‘epiphany’: I was going to give up frustration for Lent (yes, I can almost hear several of you laughing right now, rightly so.) I had reflected on the above gospel verse and asked, “What do I need to fast from?” What God showed me was my frustration. The enemy (and my own human tendency) ran with that ball declaring that I was going to give up frustration. Within hours, and repeated over several days, I was thrown into frustration over my inability to give up frustration. I imagine the enemy kicking his heels over my attempt to achieve something that is futile. I also imagine God the Father patiently waiting until I was ready to listen. The first breadcrumb of wisdom was a reminder of a book Jeff and I listened to on our way down from Green Bay to Savannah. We listened to Arthur Brooks, Build the Life You Want, on audiobook. Arthur Brooks talks to the truth that emotions (specifically our initial response emotions to a circumstance) are automatic, they are part of our limbic system, we can’t control them. This knowledge was combined with wisdom from Fr. Adam, emotions are not sinful, it is how we act on those emotions that can be sinful. It would be a few weeks before God delivered the next nugget of gold. Fr. Mike Schmitz, in his Sunday Sermon, quoted an American Psychologist, Dr. Becky Kennedy. I will quote Fr. Mike (who is paraphrasing who is Dr. Becky)
That space, between knowing and not knowing, not being able and being able, she says it’s painful. She calls it the learning space…she said there’s a single emotion that’s associated with that training space… that one emotion that’s associated with this space is frustration.
God, it turns out, is not asking me to do the impossible, He is asking me to embrace the inevitable. He is showing me that I am in a learning space. I am learning to live with my husband in co-retirement. I am learning how to sell a house. I am learning how to let go of a previous way of life and part of that is learning to let go of a lot of stuff. In the midst of all of this God reminds me of a truth brought to me last Lent: I am still learning to let go of my expectations. Greater yet, God is inviting me into the advanced class on learning to fully trust Him. I am going to need a lot more than 40 days in this Lenten desert! If any of you are frustrated with Lent, I hope that this post can encourage you. Frustration is okay. It is an invitation to learning and growth. We aren’t called to give up frustration, we are called to ask ourselves, “What area of growth or learning is this frustration calling me to?” I will leave you with a Gospel from several weeks ago that hit home for me on this…
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you…
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.Finally, in prayer, these words came
[Frustration is an emotional symptom of what is missing].
