Embracing Frustration
The days will come when the Bridegroom is taken from them, and they will fast
What feels like ‘way back when I was in Savannah’ a new enemy crept up into my daily life: frustration. I found myself focusing and refocusing on the small details of a day that did not go according to plan. I was allowing myself to become impatient and angry over these details. One morning while in prayer I had my ‘epiphany’: I was going to give up frustration for Lent (yes, I can almost hear several of you laughing right now, rightly so.) I had reflected on the above gospel verse and asked, “What do I need to fast from?” What God showed me was my frustration. The enemy (and my own human tendency) ran with that ball declaring that I was going to give up frustration. Within hours, and repeated over several days, I was thrown into frustration over my inability to give up frustration. I imagine the enemy kicking his heels over my attempt to achieve something that is futile. I also imagine God the Father patiently waiting until I was ready to listen. On our way down from Green Bay to Savannah, Jeff and I listened to Arther Brooks, Build the Life You Want, on audiobook. Arther Brooks talks to the truth that emotions are automatic, they are part of our limbic system, we can’t control them. This knowledge was combined with wisdom from Fr. Adam, emotions are not sinful, it is how we act on those emotions that can be sinful. It would be a few weeks before God delivered the next nugget of gold. Fr. Mike Schmitz, in his Sunday Sermon, quoted an American Psychologist, Dr. Becky Kennedy. I will quote Fr. Mike (who is paraphrasing)
That space, between knowing and not knowing, not being able and being able, she says it’s painful. She calls it the learning space…she said there’s a single emotion that’s associated with that training space… that one emotion that’s associated with this space is frustration… ‘How about this? When you experience frustration, let yourself, remind yourself, that’s called learning.” … And so what we can develop is what she calls Frustration Tolerance.
God, it turns out, is not asking me to do the impossible, He is asking me to embrace the inevitable. He is showing me that I am in a learning space. I am learning to live with my husband in co-retirement. I am learning how to sell a house. I am learning how to let go of a previous way of life and part of that is learning to let go of a lot of stuff. In the midst of all of this God reminds me of a truth brought to me last Lent: I am still learning to let go of my expectations. Greater yet, God is inviting me into the advanced class on learning to fully trust Him. I am going to need a lot more than 40 days in this Lenten desert! If any of you are frustrated with Lent, I hope that this post can encourage you. Frustration is okay. It is an invitation to learning and growth. We aren’t called to give up frustration, we are called to ask ourselves, “What area of growth or learning is this frustration calling me to?” I will leave you with a Gospel from several weeks ago that hit home for me on this…
Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing (Luke 6)
Finally, in prayer, these words came [Frustration is an emotional symptom of what is missing].
