Delivered

Today is the feast day of St. Ignatius Loyola. St. Ignatius has given me a bucket list item that I seek to complete: the 30 day silent guided retreat. He is a mentor to many a Christian for his Spiritual Exercises, among them is the daily examine. In a way, I have been on a six week retreat with the Lord. Often I have sought to share with all of you, my struggles, my victories, and all the moments that God broke through in my life. God held my hand back so to speak, asking that the time be one between the two of us. Today I break my six week silence on this blog and I will attempt to bring you my six week examine: Where did I see God at work in my life? Where did I partner with God in my life? Where did I try to push ahead without God? Buckle your seat belts, it has been a very bumpy spiritual ride!

Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years; and the lord had blessed Abraham in all things (Gen 24:1)

The Lord will fight your battles; Be still (Exodus 12:14)

See, the Lord is doing a new thing (Is 43:19)

Several weeks ago a friend commented, “You haven’t posted anything lately.” Cue deer in the headlights. She knows me and she knows my situation and I know that her question was striking deeper, “Are you okay?” My answer to her has been my answer to several people, “I am like a plane circling the airport waiting for the tower to tell me where to land.” I have been living in a season of loss and transition for months now (9 and counting, but whose counting?). In the past five weeks I have felt like a weeble wobble, being knocked down daily by discouragement of one sort or another, popping back up with the Lord in prayer and Mass (a lot of daily Mass), getting knocked down again, sometimes in the same day. Recalculating, recalculating, recalculating. During this same time frame, the Catholic Church was leading us in the daily readings from Genesis to Exodus and I saw the Lord leading me also.

Friday June 30th journal entry…

Fear not Abram! I am your shield; I will make your reward very great. Abram said, “O Lord God, what good will your gifts be?” (Gen 15) As of late I have resembled Abram. I have a sticker that I have placed over my desk, Praise God in the hallway while you’re waiting for the next door to open. Abram is in the proverbial hallway. I’m going to call it the Hallway of God’s Promise. Hallways are by nature the ‘in between,’ we have left one room/area we are heading to the next. In school, hallways were used as punishment, ‘Go stand in the hallway until I tell you you can come back in.’ God is promising that the next chapter of Abram’s life will hold abundant blessing. Abram, like myself right now, sees things very differently from his limited perspective of a windowless/doorless hallway. Abram is honest with the Lord and voices his frustration, hurt, and doubt. God does not smite him, God doubles down and reassures. This has been my prayer life as well. Today God reassures with the Gospel: “Who do you say that I am?” (Mt 16:13). Today this question of Jesus goes to the heart of my hallway situation and it goes to the heart of every situation we find ourselves in. ‘Who do you say that I am?’ (Slap forehead) You’re God! That’s right, You’re God! I may not see the doors or windows in this hallway, that feels like it has gone on forever, but God is God. The question I must ask myself time and time again is, ‘Am I acting like I believe that God is God?’ Jesus offers each of us keys to the Kingdom of Heaven when we live the truth, ‘You are the Christ.’ So I’m going to stop hallway sulking and start hallway praising! Amen! Below is a Litany of Thanks that I compiled as I read back over the daily Psalms for Mass from 6/22 to 6/30.

Litany of Thanks (blog entry 6/29)

I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart in the company of the just. Great are the works of the Lord, exquisite in all of their delights. (Ps 111)

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall ever be in my mouth. Let my soul glory in the Lord (Ps 34)

O lord, you have probed me, you know me, you know when I sit and when I stand. You understand my thoughts from afar… truly you have formed my inmost being… I give you thanks that I am fearfully, wonderfully made, wonderful are your works (Ps 139)

See you lowly ones and be glad; you who seek God, may your hearts revive! For the Lord hears the poor, and His own who are in bonds, He spurns not. Let the heavens and the Earth praise Him. (Ps 69)

Give thanks to the Lord, invoke His name; Make known among the nations His deeds. Sing to Him, sing His praise, Proclaim all His wondrous deeds. (Ps 105)

Glorify the Lord with me, Let us together extol His name. I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. (Ps 34)

Blessed are you who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways! For you shall eat eh fruit of your handiwork; blessed shall you be and favored. (Ps 128)

For those of you in the hallway or in the battle, consider writing your own litany of thanks. After this blog post, often times in my daily journaling I included a list of the things from the previous day that I was grateful for. This helped me to see that God is God and to stand another day in the promise that He would fight my battles and see me safely to the promised land.

Stay tuned, in the coming days I will share more of my journey with the Lord these past weeks.