The truth about sarcasm
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19)
A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (Proverbs 15:14)
Continuing my journey through Lent and my journey of metanoia, or a turn away from who I was and toward who God is calling me to be, my prayer this morning brought back a conversation that brought a greater depth to [the truth about sarcasm.] I was speaking with a woman who struggled with feeling loved and accepted by a family member. At an earlier point in our conversation she had shared that one thing that she felt she connected with this family member on what that they both used sarcasm. Holy Spirit connected the dots for me and I shared my insight with her. Sarcasm tends to use humor to highlight another person’s weaknesses, errors, and flaws. It is chalked up often as “all in good fun.” The problem with sarcasm is that it is hard to build another up if we are always making little cuts. Words of affirmation are one of the five love languages identified by Gary Chapman. When we are using sarcasm directly at a person we are not using affirmation, we are not allowing love to be part of our language. What does this have to do with Lent? In prayer God reminded me of a confession experience I had several years ago. As I prepare for the Sacrament of Reconciliation (ie confession) I like to use my phone to search out different examinations of conscience. It amazes me how different questions can convict my heart to a behavior I thought harmless that was in fact less than who God called me to be. Enter sarcasm. I remember sitting in the church several years ago when an examination question hit close to home, “Have I hurt my brother or sister with sarcasm?” Wait. What? Sarcasm is confessable?!?! Let me set the stage a bit. At one point in time I actually owned a t-shirt that proudly proclaimed: Sarcasm, just one more service I offer. No joke. Rest assured that when I have taken the quiz regarding love languages, words of affirmation is not a high scorer for me. Don’t get me wrong, not all sarcasm is bad, but the danger of sarcasm is that people can fall into the crosshairs of our wit. For Lent one year I made the commitment to be less sarcastic (note: not sarcastic free, baby steps.) God connected the dots in prayer to give me a fuller understanding of why He convicted my heart that day preparing for confession. Today, He gently reminds me to this tendency I still use in ways that truly do not build another up. The next time that I am frustrated or saddened with a relationship (much like the woman I was talking to) I can spend some time prayerfully reflecting on the proportion of time my language is building up versus the time I spend being ‘witty.’ In the meantime I invite our Lord Jesus into those places of my heart that use sarcasm as a defense strategy as well as the conversations that I have with others. Lord Jesus come!
